


Torn in Between

by scribesscrubs22, sparksfly0033



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:59:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10030577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribesscrubs22/pseuds/scribesscrubs22, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparksfly0033/pseuds/sparksfly0033
Summary: Yuzuru never thought he'd get a confession from this person at all. Not in his dream, not when he's awake, not even over his dead body.





	1. You What?

CHAPTER ONE  


“You what?” Yuzuru Hanyu, 4 time Grand prix champion dramatically gasped with his hands rested firmly at Nathan Chens’ chest, Silver medalist of the same event trying to prevent the younger to come an inch more and totally invade his private space.

The two of them are standing behind curtains after the awarding ceremony of the Grand prix too close that Yuzuru could count Nathans eyelashes if he want to.  
Yuzuru was heading to his coach when suddenly Nathan popped out from nowhere and dragged him to the most secluded area of the arena. Of course it was terrifying especially when Nathan just appeared from nowhere when he was calmly walking down the aisle while listening to another One OK Rock song form his iPod making his heart almost broke out from his rib cage.

Yuzuru pulled out his earphones as he looked at the male skater in front of him. Nathan looked back at him, with those dead serious eyes that made Yuzuru feef almost scared. Nathan’s eyes really made Yuzuru feel weird especially on his opinion, it doesn't change emotions at all. It look so stoic its almost blank and now his looking at him with those same eyes. 

  
“What’s the problem?” Yuzuru finally asked after a while of silence. He adjusted his coat and firmly held his Pooh in front of him. Nathan just looked at him, not saying a word. His eyes started scanning Yuzuru from head to toe and it felt extra weird, everything right now felt weird. He never really talked to Nathan personally or knew the kid closely and right now Yuzuru is having a hard time figuring out what he wants especially when his not talking at all.  
“I need to see Brian, I go first” Yuzuru spoke again thinking that he wont get an answer from Nathan at all.

Maybe he was supposed to say something like ‘Congratulations’ or ‘I’ll definitely beat you next time’ but Yuzuru didn't get any and his taking too much of his time with this nonsense. Yuzuru took a step forward after he excused himself and to his surprise Nathan suddenly pulled him back and pushed him on the wall just behind him making his back hit rather harshly on the concrete. 

Nathan pinned Yuzuru entrapping him between his hands that are firmly glued on both sides of Yuzuru’s head preventing him to go. Yuzuru unconsciously brought Pooh on his chest, hugging it close.  
“Wh-what do you want?” Yuzuru didn't want to sound scared but damn he is.

There really is a problem and maybe his kid wants to beat him up or something. Maybe he have anger issues and doesn't like losing and now he wants to punch the hell out of Yuzuru. Nathan moved closer to Yuzuru, not breaking eye contact. Yuzuru did his best to move back but it's a dead end. He throw his head on the side when he felt Nathans breathe touched his face. 

God, this is insane. Yuzuru is sure close to yelling when Nathan slide his left hands on Yuzuru’s chin making the Japanese skater look at him. Yuzuru almost kicked the other guy but instead he closed his eyes ready for anything that might hit his face or something instead he heard a soft chuckle and as he opened his eyes he saw Nathan with a small smirk on his face.  
“I like you” The American skater said and Yuzuru almost had a heart attack.  
Yuzuru blinked his eyes making sure his seeing this, and hearing it from the latter.  
“You what?” Yuzuru gasped pushing Nathan back with his hands but damn it was no use.

The kid doesn't want to step back even just a little and he surely is enjoying this close contact with Yuzuru. Nathan caressed Yuzuru’s chin, letting it go after a while then placing his hands on Yuzuru’s waist and all of the sudden pulled him closer which made the Japanese skater yelp and cling to Nathan’s shoulder. 

He dropped his Pooh bear as Nathan pushed his body closer to the other resting his face just right beside Yuzuru’s ears.  
“I said I like you” He whispered and it made Yuzuru’s body shiver. Nathan smiled because of that and Yuzuru is beat red because of embarrassment.  
“Crazy! Let go” Yuzuru struggled, freeing himself from Nathan. Nathan finally loosen his hold on Yuzuru and pushed Yuzuru back on the wall.

He then picked up Pooh and handed it to the other. Yuzuru grabbed it from him and looked at him with killer eyes. Nathan just smiled and buried his hands on his pocket.  
“Joke not funny at all” Yuzuru ranted as he straightened his coat and fixed his hair.  


“I’m not joking” Nathan responded looking dead serious. Yuzuru is really having a headache with all this. It’s not making sense at all. Why would Nathan Chen like him? His gay? Is he being serious or his just playing games. This is very far from being rational at all.  


Yuzuru rolled his eyes and crossed his hands in front of him.  
“It’s not good playing tricks. That’s very rude” Yuzuru lectured and Nathan just gave him a ‘yeah yeah’.  
The Japanese skater sighed and after that he heard a familiar voice calling his name.  
“Yuzu? Yuzuru? Are you here?” Javier Fernadezs’, his training mates’ voice echoed on the hallway.  
Yuzuru beamed and shouted,  
“I’m hereeeee” He said and after a second Javier saw him and Nathan.  
“Oh, Nathan? What’s up with you two?” Javier asked walking towards both of them.  


Yuzuru looked at Nathan and again he have that cold look on his eyes as he looked at Javier who’s waiting for his answer. Nathan just lowered his head and walked pass Javier not bothering to answer. Yuzuru’s eyes followed the American skater as he near the other half of the hallway.  
“What’s with him?” Javier asked, scratching his head in the process.  
“Don't mind him.” Yuzuru shrugged off smiling at Javi in the process.  


Javier smiled back and Yuzuru swear that that is the most beautiful smile he ever seen. Javier just shines in front of him everytime he smiles and he looks so damn cute.  
“Congratulations” Javier said pulling Yuzuru in a tight hug.  


Yuzuru snuggled his face on the others shoulders and was delighted of the smell that hit his nostrils. A mix of musk with a little hint of vanilla. Yuzuru sighed and enjoyed the moment. With everyone greeting him and congratulating him, this one is the best.

He always liked Javi, since day one but his too afraid to tell the other skater, after all Javi has a girlfriend, one of his Japanese friend to be exact. It hurts him everytime but what can he do? He is very much contented having Javier as his training mate and friend,, his okay with that atleast he have him by his side.  
“Thank you” Yuzuru mumbled and Javier broke the hug.  
“Let’s get going. Brian is waiting” Javier announced and Yuzuru nodded following the other skater.  
“I like you”  


Nathan's words keep replaying inside his head.

Shivers run through Yuzuru’s spine as he recall what happened earlier. Nathan holding him like that, touching him in places he shouldn't touch and saying he likes him. Yuzuru doesn't know what the American skater is up to but he will surely not let him belittle him like that.  
His Yuzuru Hanyu after all, the Great Yuzuru Hanyu.  
Or that is what he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story is out of nowhere. I know it's weird that I paired those two but I just cant help imagining it I need to get it out of my head and write it down. Some of you might get annoyed because there's a lot of tension with their fans especially after 4CC. I actually wrote this fic around NHK and GFP last year so yeah. I hope you find even a little bit of entertainment reading this one. I actually didn't have anyone proof read my work. There might be some typo's or grammatical errors but forgive because English is not my native language. I'm rather very new here so pls bare with me.


	2. How about no?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru is having a hard time dealing with his cold but his having a harder time dealing with Nathan Chen

CHAPTER TWO 

The rush of his 4th Grand Prix title is still surreal at the moment as Yuzuru is packing his UA training gear inside his bag. He was preparing for the gala practice and was about to head out the hotel to the rink. It was a busy day. Generally packed with interviews for the Japanese media and a hundred more newspaper outlet he already felt his mouth getting tired with all the talking. His mother who is currently busy checking his schedule when he gets back to Japan was constantly reminding him to take it easy at the gala practice tonight. Yuzuru just nod, didn't want to argue because he honestly feels his body feeling stiff and his head ache. His under the weather and he has to admit his feeling chilly and cold. 

“Take it easy or your cold might get worst.” He heard his mother say before he stepped out his hotel room with Kikuchi, his trainer. 

The cold air hit his cheeks as they stepped out the hotel and he automatically shivered. Kikuchi-san hurriedly handed another jacket for the Japanese skater telling him to watch out his health especially he has a tough schedule back in Japan and the Nationals is coming. Yuzuru promised he’ll be careful as they stepped in the rink. The gold medalist instantly looked around the place looking for a certain Spanish skater who he haven’t talked to yet since after the awarding ceremony earlier. 

The rink is now packed with skaters, jumping and skating like fast trains while some are just taking this opportunity to unwind and talk to other skaters. There is a small crowd of audience too eager to see the practice too. Yuzuru was placing his Pooh on the boards when he finally found the person he was looking for. 

“Javi!” he shouts, waving furiously when Javier turned around from the other side of the rink and smiled at him. “Hey!” He then greeted as the Spanish skater crossed the distance between them. “Hi Mr. 4 time Grand Prix Champion.” Javier greeted back, wearing a grey hoodie smiling sheepishly towards Yuzuru. 

I’m glad his smiling now. Yuzuru thinks as he looks at his training mate. The two were talking to each other for a while. About everything the happened in general and Yuzuru was feeling all giddy and bouncy just because of that. He wasn't able to be with Javier or much before Grand Prix and now was the time they were able to talk like this, happy and not thinking about competition and such. 

“By the way, Nathan was looking for you earlier.” He hears Javier say. “You two seems getting along since earlier.” Yuzuru let out an empty laugh after hearing Javier. Flashes from their encounter after the awarding ceremony popping like small flashbacks and it made his inside tumble. 

“Yeah yeah.” He answered halfheartedly as he eyes the mentioned young skater across the rink who was looking at them by now. “We aren’t that close.” He tells Javi. 

“Oh really. Well, we better get to practice now.” Javier presented as he hears his name being called by the announcer for the run thought of his EX. 

“Vamos Javi!” Yuzuru cheers as Javier skated towards the center of the rink. 

He was intently watching Javier skate when a certain skater from America caught his attention. Nathan was skating towards his direction now, eyes glued at him like a lion eyeing his prey. He felt the air gush towards his cheeks when Nathan passed him, eyes still on him until he returns to his post across the rink, parallel to where Yuzuru is. The Japanese skater felt a chill run his spine and he unconsciously wrapped his arms around his body. This night s going to be long. 

The loud cheer from the audience can heard until the locker rooms. Skaters are slowly dispersing as their names are being called one by one for their gala performance. Yuzuru is currently alone, being the last one to perform. He was busy getting his costumes on when the roar from the crown outside doubled. 

“Nathan Chen from the USA!!” he cringe as he hears the mention of the name, shaking his head furiously before focusing back on zipping the back of his costume. 

He was sure its about his time to perform and he’d be doomed if he’ll stepped out of the lockers with an unzip costumes just like that one time during 2015-2016 season. He is cursing under his breath now as he try to reach the zipper in his back when suddenly he felt a hand zipping it up. 

“Oh, Thank y-“ his sentence was cut mid way when he saw no other than Nathan Chen smirking. “Its you.” The younger skater just looked at him, the same look from earlier as the silence slowly fell in between them. “You need to stop, now.” Yuzuru started. If the younger skater wants to intimidate him, we’ll he won't let him get through him. “Can’t intimidate me.” 

“I’m not intimidating you, I just want to help because I like you. “Stop joking, very rude.” Yuzuru is obviously not pleased. “I’m not joking. I mean it when I said I like you.” Nathan proclaimed but Yuzuru is not buying. It. Clutching onto his Pooh, Yuzuru looked at Nathan with the looked he always carry during competitions. If the American skater wants to provoke him through this and distract him now, he wont let him do as he please. He is more than what he think, he is Yuzuru Hanyu. “You look really scary right now.” Nathan pointed out as he stepped back a little. “I don’t want to fight.” He added waving his hands dismissingly. “I’m warning you, stop now.” Yuzuru threatens but Nathan is not having it. “How about, no?” The Japanese skater felt his alarm bells went off as he felt furious by the answer that the young skater threw back. He was about to lash back then the locker door opens revealing a curious looking Javier. 

“Um, Yuzu? They need you on the ice in a bit.” Javier informs as he stepped inside eyeing the two, eyes lingering at Nathan a little longer. Yuzuru flashed a smile towards his friend’s direction before gathering his remaining stuffs at the bench and walked out with him not forgetting to throw one last looked at Nathan before disappearing completely. Nathan looked at the closed door for a few seconds before plopping at the nearest chair, heaving a sigh in the process. 

The gala performance ended and Yuzuru is feeling more tired than earlier. He felt his head pound a little as another shiver run his spine. His running down with a cold and he knew he needs to get out his beloved ice as soon as possible but before that, he needs to blow his nose. He started looking around for Kikuchi-san and his Pooh when he noticed he was nowhere to be found. Strange, he thinks as he skated near the boards noticing his yellow tissue box in the arm of another person, Nathan Chen to be exact. 

“Why you have Pooh?” he asked, protectively getting Pooh away from Nathan’s hand.  
“Your trainer left for God knows why and left him with me.” He explained. “He has no choice, I’m the only one around.” Nathan elaborated as he saw Yuzuru’s skeptic gaze after his explanation. “So, how about a thank you?”

“How about,” Yuzuru paused for a moment. “No?” 

Nathan was amused as Yuzuru throws a victory smirk at him just to be broken by another shiver. He had noticed since the start of the gala how Yuzuru coughs and sniffs occasionally all through out. He was shivering from time to time too and by the looks of it, his costume is not helping his situation. 

The guys is obviously running down with cold. 

“If your looking for you coat, your trainer has it.” Nathan offers an explanation as he notice Yuzuru looking around after another shiver run his body. The younger skater sigh as he looks at the Olympic champion. Taking off his jacket, shakes it a few times before throwing it around Yuzuru’s shoulder.  
Yuzuru stopped moving as he feels the warm fabric touched his cold back.

“Hands.” Nathan says and Yuzuru dumbly inserted his arms inside the jacket hanging on his shoulder. Nathan carefully tucked the jacket on Yuzuru before stepping away and examine the skater in front of him. “Better.” 

“Than- thank you.” Yuzuru unconsciously muttered as his head was still processing what happened. Nathan just smiled at him before mouthing a “Your welcome” and walked away towards the backstage leaving Yuzuru speechless. 

Blinking for another three times, the Japanese skater face palmed as the sequence register on his mind.  
“How about, no huh.” He murmured. “Good job Yuzuru.” He then sighed in disbelief, clutching the black jacket his was wearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may see the big difference in the writing style, well obviously because I wasn't the one who wrote this chapter. It was my twin sister. She's rather much better in writing than me that's why I asked her to co-author this story and she goes by the username sparksfly0033 hehehe  
> So yeah, here's chap 2. Everyone knows that Yuzu got his cold in GFP in Marseille.  
> Actually I made her read this just now and force her to finish chap 2 by 1am. Yes, I forced her. lol that's why Chapter 2 is here already.Maybe I'll just let my twin sister write while I make up the plot, yeah? She's a journalism students so she's much better in this. I'll just stick in making the story .Hahaha


	3. Meet ups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru finds himself in front of Nathan Chen's doorway.

CHAPTER THREE 

Yuzuru is lost, really lost. 

I mean literally, he has no idea what his doing in the USA team chambers, walking down the hallway,wearing Nathan's jacket. The gala ended and for a reason no one really knows, Kikuchi-san didn't showed up leaving Hanyu alone with Pooh and his skate covers and not to mention Chen's jacket with him. 

The American skater didn't really mind and left his jacket to the Japanese and now Yuzuru is barging in the other side of the hotel finding Nathan's room for the teenager dashed off after the gala to nowhere. Every one is staring at Yuzuru as he continue to find someone he can ask about Nathan's room number. Of course its weird seeing Yuzuru Hanyu sporting a USA jacket but he can't help it. He knows his cold is getting worse and if he wants to compete in the upcoming Japanese Nationals he needs something to keep him warm and right now, he is actually regretting why he choose to have a very low neck and back gala outfit. 

After a while of wandering Yuzuru saw Adam and hurriedly went to him. The other skater looked really amused as he saw the Japanese skater approaching him. 

"That's a nice jacket Yuzu" Adam teased as Yuzu stopped in front of him. 

Yuzuru just smiled, yeah it's quite a nice jacket. 

"You see Nathan?" Yuzuru asked while he fumbles the zipper of Nathan's jacket. He was rather feeling embarrass at the moment and Adam’s gaze at him is not helping.He was rather thankful his sneakers are still in the lockers or else he'll need to walk down with his skates on. 

"His in his room. Why? Is that his jacket?" Adam answered eyeing the jacket Yuzuru was wearing. 

Yuzuru nooded and adjusted his Pooh bear on one hand and his skates on the other. Kikuchi-san obviously has his luggage so yeah, his hands are full at the moment. 

"You want to bring that back? His on 305, just down the hallway" Adam said. The American skater is really curious why Yuzuru is wearing his teammates jacket but he didn’t asked. He remembers how Nathan was literally humming down the hallways a while ago when he saw him after gala so he supposed something good happened but he didn't expect this. 

Yuzuru thanked Adam and went on his way after a handful of bowing.

"301,302,303,304 and 305" Yuzuru mumbled to himself as he scanned the room he passed by. He stopped at 305 and took a deep breath. He must be crazy right now, why on earth is he returning the jacket by himself? He could have gave it to Adam or let someone from his staff return it but now his here. Who knows but will Nathan do this time? He already got a handful of cringe worthy experiences from the kid and now his in his territory. 

Yuzuru took another deep breath, he somehow mange to knock three times with everything his carrying and waited for the door to open. After a while of tapping his foot the door clicked as Nathan pushed it open. Yuzuru gulped. Now what? Nathan eyed him from head to toe and the younger skater somehow realized Yuzuru was there in front of his hotel room. 

"Returning the jacket?" He asked Yuzuru put his Pooh down together with his skates and hurriedly took off Nathan's jacket. He made sure he fold it neatly and hand it to the younger. 

"I didn't sweat much so still smell good" Yuzuru said extending the folded jacket to Nathan as he bows his head a little. Nathan chuckled, a rather loud one and Yuzuru looked at him with a confused look on his face. 

"What's funny?” Yuzuru asked rather not amused with the younger’ response. 

Nathan looked at Yuzuru and took a step closer, well a little too close for Yuzuru's opinion. 

"You think I smell good? Yeah?" Nathan mumbled low and swear to god Yuzuru almost hit himself after he realized what he just said. 

The Japanese skater took a step backward as he shoved the jacket on Nathan's chest.He looked everywhere except Nathan. His rather scared to look straight the younger now his this embarrassed. 

This kid is really getting in his nerves. Not to mention he somehow helped Yuzuru at the gala earlier but right now his blood is boiling because if the latters cockiness. 

The both of them just stood there for a moment. Nathan staring at him while Yuzuru stares at the ground . 

"You sure you'd be okay not wearing a jacket with that costume? Not to mention you seem having chills earlier." Nathan said leaning on the door frame in the process. 

Yuzuru scanned himself and realize that Nathan indeed has a point. It sure is cold and his outfit is not helping either but he don't want to receive another help from the other boy. 

He just shrugged it off pretending okay even though his not. 

"I'm fine. Not cold at all" Yuzuru firmly stated folding his arms in his chest in the process, preventing a shiver from running down his spine. 

"Yeah yeah. Your okay I guess." Nathan mumbled under his breath. 

Yuzuru could be stubborn sometimes and the American skater knows that. Yuzuru never fails to amuse him and he knows well the other is still not convince about his confession. 

Nathan looked at the thin figure in front of him. White skin, reddish cheeks, obviously because he's cold and just too proud to admit it. Slender body, too slender that he could see other male skater checking out Yuzuru during practices. He wont deny it, Yuzuru is a hot mess especially under his UA training gear but that's not why he likes him though, not just that. 

"I go now. Javi is waiting" Yuzuru announced ending Nathan's trail of thoughts. 

Javi. Yeah, theres Javi. 

It's always Javi, Nathan thinks and it's annoying him a little already. 

"You seem to like him a lot" Nathan commented and Yuzuru's cheeks reddened some more. 

Nathan saw this and tsked softly earning Yuzuru's attention. 

" You don't like Javi? His good to every one" Yuzuru reasoned with a little pout in the end. 

"Yeah, a little too good to you" He whispered making sure the latter didn't hear. 

After a while of bickering about how Javi and him are too close to each other Maia and Alex appeared out of nowhere surprising the two of them. 

"You look like your having fun?" Maia announced plopping herself beside Yuzuru. Alex on the other hand gave Nathan a high five and a little tap on Yuzuru's shoulder . 

Yuzuru finding a chance to make his exit excused himself telling them he needs to change. Maia and Alex was left confused with Yuzuru's dash and Nathan just chuckled. 

"What's with his hurry?" Alex asked 

"Look like your making friends" Maia added and Nathan just smiled at both of them. 

Nathan finds Yuzuru somehow cute and it's not really helping in making him keep his calm. 

The two siblings bid goodbye after that and Nathan was left in his doorway holding his neatly folded jacket with a wide smile plastered on his face. 

He picked up Yuzuru's Pooh bear that was on the ground all this time together with the Japanese skaters skate. 

"We'll be having a lot of fun Winnie" He said, pinching the yellow bears nose in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I badly want to update that's why I tried my best writing this one. It's short, I know. XD I somehow mange to insert Adam Rippon and the Shibsibs here. (for those who don't know Adam is a figure skater and Maia and Alex Shibutani are ice dancers from USA, same team as Nathan) I also used Nathan's point of view in the end part. So yeah, I don't really know how I would portray Nathan's character but I want him to look like a cold but gentle in the inside person. Thank you for the kudos by the way :) Love ya <3


	4. Exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After returning Yuzuru's skates and Pooh bear, Nathan gets something in exchange.

CHAPTER FOUR 

Nathan didn't know if he is actually losing his mind little by little or his just crazy to begin with because later that night he found his self talking to a yellow teddy bear. The Japanese skater’s skates are laid carefully in the floor while the Pooh tissue box is facing him right now as he lay on his stomach eyeing the brown eyes of the tissue holder. 

“Well, well Pooh. I think your owner forgot about you.” He was actually smiling by then and it’s not helping his situation right now. The teddy bear just looked at him with those same brown eyes, no answer heard. (of course, it’ll be really weird, not to mention scary if he talks back.) 

He remembers the first time he saw Yuzuru with his Pooh. It was on TV and he forgot what competition it was but he will never forget how Yuzuru’s skate made him feel that day. He recalls it was another tough day during training. The kind of day that everything seems not going onto place. No jumps cleanly landed and his triple axel is on its worst state as ever. He was down and frustrated he got off ice earlier than scheduled and was told to get some rest and cool his head down. Nathan was okay with it because another hour of falling on his butt will drive him crazy or even injured. Arriving at home, he hurriedly change clothes and decided to just laze around the living room since no one was home. Turning on the television, he flipped channels watching the screen change with every click of the remote. That’s when he caught a glimpse of the red, white and black costume. With a bandage around his head, he saw Yuzuru Hanyu, Olympic champion, Grand Prix Champion and World Champion he initially called out of his mind skate towards the center of the rink. 

“He’s actually skating?” He remembers asking his self with the Phantom of the Opera started playing and Yuzuru started skating to it. All there was were falls, falls and more falls but Yuzuru finished his program, ranked 2nd and finish with a silver after. 

He knew about Yuzuru before. Of course, who wouldn't right? The crazy Japanese skater with a triple axel that is out of this world? But this skate remained to him until this very day. He recalls it as nothing less than inspirational and he admits, he got him inspired and motivated. 

Nathan was smiling by then as he holds Pooh’s paws and started squishing it together. “Your owner is one tough guy.” He whispers. “But it seems his having some hard time.” He continues remembering about Yuzuru’s popped sal during the LP a while ago. He sigh. “What am I doing talking to a teddy bear?” He then lays Pooh beside him, rolls around and looked at the ceiling. Minutes of silence passed and Nathan then hears the door clicked open seeing Adam hovering above him after a few footsteps. 

“Hey!” Adam greeted, sitting at the edge of the bed after. 

Nathan pushed his self up and faced the older skater, offering a smile back as he grabbed Pooh and settled it in his lap. Adam notices and eyed the familiar looking bear in Nathan was holding. 

“So you have his beloved tissue box now?” Adam query, giving Nathan a skeptic gaze after. 

“Huh?” Nathan was dumbfounded but realizing what the other meant, he smiled and shrugged the question after. 

“He was looking for you earlier.” Adam informed. “What’s going on with you two?” 

“Nothing.” Nathan tells, putting Pooh down the floor together with Yuzuru’s skate. 

“This is crazy!” Adam exclaimed as his eyes follow Nathans movement, catching Yuzuru’s skate on the floor. “You have his skates?” 

“He forgot about it.” Nathan explained now lying on his back while playing with his cell phone. 

“What on earth happened that Yuzu forgot about his skates? And even Pooh?” the older American skater is obviously having so much fun digging the details but Nathan is not having it. He just shrugged and threw a smirk at Adam’s direction before focusing back on his phone screen. Without any success, Adam decided he wont be getting the juices out the young skater. Leaving after another round of begging for more details and what not, Nathan is finally alone. 

“I need to give these back to him before he flies back to Japan tomorrow, the problem is how?” 

Yuzuru closed the door behind him and just stood still for a minute or so. He remembers the happenings from earlier and blush a little from embarrassment. “I should just shut up when I’m with him.” He told him self as he marched towards the bedroom noticing that his mother, Brian and Kikuchi isn’t around. “They’re probably asleep now.” Yuzuru claimed seeing the clock tick to 11:34 pm. He noticed that his bags were already packed and he sigh in relief. He isn’t really up for packing his clothes now especially his feeling tired and shivering none stop since earlier. He hurriedly picked up fresh clothes and change. Adjusting the air conditioner, he jumps to his bed wrapping the blanket around him before laying down. He needs to be awake early tomorrow that's why he wants to rest and just clear his mind. Minutes later, Yuzuru is sound asleep, little did he know, morning has a lot of surprises with it. 

Freaking out is an understatement at what Yuzuru is doing at the moment. 

Waking up around 6:30 A.M, Yuzuru was checking on his luggage with he noticed something. After putting on tags for his bigger suitcases, Yuzuru grabbed his smaller suitcase for his skates realizing something that should be inside isn’t inside. 

“Strange…” he mumbles as he looked around for his skates noticing another thing is missing. “Pooh!” he exclaimed and everyone in the room looked at him in surprise. 

“What?” Brian asked as he stepped out of the adjacent mini living room connected at the bedroom. 

“Pooh, I left together with my skate.” Yuzuru was standing now, hands clasp on his hair in the process. 

“Where did you left them?” His coach asked calmly, trying to urge the freaked out skater in front of him to think and just calm down. 

Pacing back in fourth, Yuzuru came to a abrupt halt. “Nathan..” he whispers. “Nathan!” 

An hour passed and finally, someone from the Japanese staff got a hold of Nathan’s phone number. “He’ll be at the airport with your stuffs.” They told Yuzuru who was so relieve after hearing that. Bowing, he thanked them as they walked out the hotel with his other bags and stuffs. 

“How on earth did Nathan have your skates anyway?” Brian ask from the front sit of the van they’re riding to the airport. His coach had remained silent about the matter but his curiosity is getting him all worked up about the situation. He knows Yuzuru very well. He isn’t as sociable as he seems. The skater might look all outspoken and energetic every gala but his not the people type. His not that talkative, he prefers silence and the company of people his already comfortable with. Brian admits he didn't expect Yuzu and Javi click so fast but Nathan is a different story. The coach never heard anything about the matter let alone a word about Nathan from Yuzuru. All Nathan up until now from the perspective of the Japanese skater is the crazy kid with crazy quads not someone he left his skates with, let alone Pooh. 

“Long story.” Yuzuru replies shortly, earning a small glance of disapproval from his mother who was sitting beside him because of the tone he used. “I tell you later.” He added after the little nod his mother gave him afterwards. 

Brian gave him a small smile before focusing on the road in front of him after. Yuzuru was thankful his coach didn't pry any further. He isn’t in the mood to talk about anything, especially Nathan and his quads and everything in between. The long hour of drive is finally over as they arrived at the airport. Familiar faces were seen around and Yuzuru walked towards Shoma and the other Japanese delegates when he spotted them arriving. 

“Yuzu!” he then hears Brian call from behind. “Nathan’s here.” His coach added and he turns in haste upon hearing. His eyes then meet with the shorter skater standing 5 feet away from him beside his coach, his skates on one hand while Pooh cradled in his other arm. He hurriedly ran the short distance between them eyeing the American skater in disapproval after laying his eyes to his beloved skates then Pooh after. 

“I’ll leave the two of you first.” Brian excused his self as he fished his phone probably trying to contact Javi who was obviously late. 

“So?” Nathan started, tying to place Pooh comfortable on his arms. 

“Give them to me, now.” Yuzuru cut him short. No explanation needed, he just wanted his belonging back. 

“Woah woah, slow down.” Nathan backed defensively when Yuzuru tried to grabbed what his holding from him in one move. The American skater smiled as he looked at Yuzuru again, eye brows meeting, nose flaring and lips obviously shaking from anger. He straightened up a little bit, trying to lessen the height difference between him and the intimidating reigning Olympic champion. “I need something in exchange.” He starts. 

“Excuse me?” Yuzuru leans closer, a habit he does when he wants to clarify words he probably heard wrong. 

“Give me your number.” Yuzuru doubled over hearing Nathan’s request. 

“Number?” he asked. “Phone number?” He added tilding his head to the side in disbelief. 

“Yes, I want your phone number in exchange of Pooh and your skates.” 

Yuzuru looked at Nathan in outmost disbelief. He isn’t someone he can trust nor someone he wanted to trust, let alone someone he would give his phone number to but the situation is a little complex. His brain was running too fast at the moment trying to weigh the pros and cons of the decision he’ll be making within seconds. He can actually just force Nathan to give back his skates and Pooh all at once and he was actually considering that but well, to be honest he didn't want to make a scene at an airport right? Yuzuru looked around, eyeing the members of the Japanese media, the Japanese skating federation staffs, his mother and a lot more. He then sigh, fished out his phone and handed it to Nathan. The American skater looked at the phone held in front of him then to Yuzuru then back to the phone is confusion. 

“Here, my number.” 

It seems Nathan’s senses perked all at once. He felt a rush run through his veins as he grabbed his phone from his back pocket. Seeing the struggle Nathan was in, Yuzuru took the phone from the younger and hurriedly type in his phone number, saved it and handed the phone back. 

“So, give it back now.” Yuzuru now demands to which Nathan follows in a blink. 

“Here..” he mumbles as he hands the skates and Pooh to the owner who was smiling from ear to ear. Nathan can’t help but smile too as Yuzuru held Pooh on his arms with a warm smile. He then look at him, smiling leaving his face as soon as their eyes met. 

“So, bye then.” Nathan took this as a que to exit. He flashed a small smile towards Yuzuru’s direction before turning his heels towards his coach and teammates. 

“Thank you.” He hears and swear to God he thought his neck broke when he turned around towards Yuzuru’s direction. The Japanese skater offered a small bow and a smile before turning around and Nathan saw everything in slow motion. Yuzuru is beautiful, he knows that before but now, as he smiled towards him, he swears that he is indeed beautiful. 

Nathan doesn't know if his losing his mind or his actually just crazy to begin with. He was smiling from ear to ear looking at Yuzuru’s retreating back phone clutched in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been consistent in updating everyday but I wasn't able to do so this past days because I went home for the weekend. I don't have a stable internet connection at home(I stay at a boarding house in the city for college and we have great internet connection there that's why I can update well) so the update got delayed but thanks to my twin sister we have chapter four here. YEHEYYYYYY. I begged her to finish this chap so yeah.Thanks to her.In the end we take turn in writing each chapter so it's much easier hahahahaha. I'll try to update another chap later or maybe tomorrow. :)


	5. Hello?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long distance call that made Yuzuru feel different about a certain American skater.

CHAPTER FIVE 

Yuzuru tried to muffle his cough for the nth time and his mother didn't fail to notice how hard his son is trying to hide his sickness to the whole Japanese staff inside the plane. 

His cold worsen since the first day he arrived in Marseille and even how hard he hide it to his mom and the staffs he knows its impossible for them not to know. The Japanese nationals is coming and he don't want to be withdraw just because of his cold. His going to defend his title for the fifth time and he wants to win it five times in a row. 

Yuzuru zipped his coat until his neck and rubbed his hands together trying to warm up. His mother draped a blanket all over him and wrapped a scarf on his neck. 

“I know it’s a little uncomfortable but try to get a little rest. Sleep for a while, maybe that will help to lessen the cold” His mother explained. 

Yuzuru smiled at her. He truly thinks he is the luckiest person on earth because of his mother. She’s caring and understanding. She sacrificed many things for him and his skating and his more than thankful for that. 

After a while Yuzuru started drifting to sleep without even noticing it. He was thinking of many things. His quad loop, the popped quad salchow, his FS score, the upcoming Olympics, not to mention that there is an American skater that is bothering him for days and now Yuzuru is thinking if his going to change his number or what. 

Now that Nathan knows his phone number, what kind of bothersome ideas will come to that kids mind. Yuzuru took a deep sigh and shifted a little in his seat. He is very exhausted, not just physically but also mentally. He cant wait to go to the nationals and prove himself. He badly wants a clean skate both in SP and FS and the nationals is his chance. 

Yuzuru arrived at Japan feeling tired and stiff. His body could hardly move and he could feel chills running through his body. He tried his best to hide the soreness his feeling but everytime he moves he knows his mother is aware that his not feeling good and that’s not a very good thing for Yuzuru. 

After a little home coming hosted by his sponsor and a quick interview from the Japanese press Yuzuru headed to the van waiting for them and drove off to Sendai. It's been a while since he went home and his very excited his feeling all giddy and jumpy. 

Yuzuru was staring out the window of the car when his mother spoke. 

"Your not feeling well aren't you?" His mother said beside him. 

Yuzuru looked at his mom and he knows he can't lie to her. 

The Japanese skater didn't answer and just looked back at the view outside. 

"Let's just skip Nationals Yuzu. You don't have to force yourself" His mom spoke once more and Yuzuru sprung up sitting upright on the back sit as he stare at his mother with disbelief. 

“I'm fine. I can compete" he retorted but his mom doesn't look convince at all. 

"I know you have cold and you'll probably going to run with fever after this. You can't practice much not to mention you need to reest even if you get well before the Nationals. You'll be too tired for the Worlds if you force yourself too much" His mother calmly explained and Yuzuru can't argue more because he knows she's right. 

"Skipping out one competition will not kill you son. Your health is much more important " His mom added and Yuzuru just nod his head. 

His feeling a little light headed, maybe it's the fever coming in. His feeling hot and then cold. His body feels heavy and his head is aching. 

His mother is right, he'd better get some rest or else his gonna collapse in the Nationals. 

After arriving home and greeting his Father and sister, his mom ordered him to go to his room and lie down and his was very happy to obliged. He need his bed and another hour of sleep. 

Yuzuru tossed his things in the corner of his room and fall down on his bed. He crawled up the fluffy matress and cover his body with his sheets. Yuzuru was slowly dozing off to sleep when he felt his phone vibrate and his One OK Rock ringtone went off. He lazily took it out from his pocket and answered it not bothering to look at the caller ID. 

"Moshi moshi" He answered, his voice sounding hoarse. 

"You really are sick" Said a man with a thick Spanish accent from the other line. 

"Javi?" Yuzuru asked as his eyed opened and his body jerking up. 

"Hello buddy. Brian told be that your mom told him your withdrawing from the Nationals and that's because your sick so I decided to call to check on you" Javi explained 

Yuzuru can't help but smile. 

His very considerate, too considerate that he ended up falling for the Spanish skater. It makes his heart flutter hearing the others voice on the line. 

"Yeah, I got cold. Mom said maybe influenza. I need rest so no Nationals" He said feeling rather sad by the thought of not competing for the Nationals. 

"It's okay. You better rest. You can win Nationals next time" Javi said trying to cheer the Japanese skater up. 

"I will! Oh, by the way why you call me it's waste of money" Yuzuru said realizing Javi is in Toronto and overseas call is rather expensive and this call is getting longer. 

"You worry about pointless things. It's fine I can manage" Javi chuckled at the other line and Yuzuru felt his stomach tumble. Gosh, the things Javi does to him. 

"Okay let's say bye for now or else call gets long you pay big" He retorted wanting to spare his training mate a few bucks. 

"Fine fine. Promise you rest though. No sneaking out and going to the rink" Javi warned and Yuzuru could hear Javi's hands gestures all over the place as he speak. 

"Yes sir. I promise" Yuzuru answered doing a boy scout sign he learned from one of the skater in Cricket Club. 

Javi chuckled and bid goodbye and he ended the call. 

Yuzuru put his phone on his side table and snuggle up again in his mattress. He let out a relaxing sigh as he pulled his blanket until his neck. 

Javi, he smile by the mere thought of his training mate and it's driving him nuts. 

It was almost time for dinner when Yuzuru heard the door opened. He buried his face on the pillow as his mother called him. 

"Your phone is ringing Yuzu, and wake up you need to eat" His mom said and retreated back downstairs. 

Yuzuru groan in frustration and mindlessly searched for his phone in the table beside his bed. 

It ringtone was making his head hurt more and now his regretting putting a loud song as his phone tone. 

After a while he found his phone and answered the call putting it in his ear in the process. 

"Javi?" He said in a very lazy tone. His still half asleep and his very comfortable mattress is not helping 

"So you were expecting Javier's call" Said a rather fluent English speaker with a very natural English accent on the other line. 

Yuzuru jolted upwards as his pillows fall down the floor. He looked at his phone and see no name on the caller id. He put it back on his ear and asked. 

"Who is this?" Very low and clear as if his scared to know who it was. 

He hears a chuckle and now he knows who it was. 

He straightened his back and sat up straight as if the other person could see him right now. 

"It's Nathan." The American skater said and Yuzuru rolled his eyes. 

"Why call me?" Yuzuru asked 

"Well I have your number why not make use of it and call you?" Nathan answered in the same cocky way as always. 

"You just waste your money"Yuzuru answered as he unintentionally let out a cough. 

"Your sick?" Nathan seemed like he didn't heard what the latter just said and asked Yuzuru worriedly. 

Yuzuru was hesitant to answer. Why would he tell information to a competitor. He never really talks much with othet skater and now his on the phone with one, not to mention with someone who told him he likes him and likes to make fun of him and go near him, too near for Yuzuru's opinion. 

"Hey? You still there? I just asked you a question" Nathan's voice cut his thoughts and pulled him back to the conversation. 

"Why ask? It's non of your business" Yuzuru retorted pulling his blanket on his shoulder making it into an improvise coat. 

"Could you just answer it without asking?" Nathan said and Yuzuru pouted after that. 

"Why you talk to me like that. I'm older. You should talk nicer "Yuzuru ranted being full with Nathan's not so respectful tone. 

Nathan chuckles again. He finds it way too cute when Yuzuru talks like that. He cleared his throat and spoke again. 

"Okay. I'm sorry but could you just tell me if your sick or not?" He said in a very soft tone. 

"I'm fine" Yuzuru said. 

"Liar" Nathan retorted 

"I'm not. I'm fine really" Yuzuru said again. 

"Still lying" Nathan answered back. 

"Why not believe? I said I'm not sick" Yuzuru said for the third time. 

"We'll I'm reading an article saying your withdrawal from the Nationals because of influenza" Nathan mused and Yuzuru was speechless. 

The news is out that fast? He just sleep and it's all over the net? 

"

"So? You feeling okay?" Nathan asked from the other line and Yuzuru can't seem to turn that question down especially when his using that very calming tone. 

"I'm okay. Just feeling a little sluggish, tired"He explained as he stretched his legs a little. 

"Did you take any medicine? I heard it can worsen asthma. Yours is okay right?"Nathan asked again. 

He knows about his asthma? Well, maybe everyone knows. 

"I breath okay. No attacks and my mother takes good care of me" He answered feeling much more comfortable with the conversation. 

"That's nice to hear. Well being sick means no ice for you right? Nathan teased 

"Don't remind me it makes my head hurt more" Yuzuru answered rubbing his temples in the process. 

Nathan laughed from the other line and Yuzuru felt somehow different. When Nathan is like this he could imagine befriending with the other guy, just take iff the 'I like you' part though. 

He never really knew the kid personally but his been bugging him all the time on Marseille but he did lend him his jacket, took care of Pooh and his skates, brought it back and now his asking about his health. 

He could say his very cold outside but very considerate not to mention a little tease. 

"So I'll see you again in 4 Continents?" Nathan asked. 

"Ah. Your going too?" Yuzuru asked back 

"Of course. It's the Olympic stadium" Nathan exclaimed from the other line. 

Yuzuru smiled. What an excited child. 

"Yeah, it's the Olympic stadium after all" Yuzuru answered. 

"I'll win this time" Nathan said firnly and Yuzuru smiled again. 

"Don't get too excited. I'll win again" Yuzuru answered 

"Okay. If you say so. Your the king after all" Nathan said and Yuzuru chuckled. 

As much as Yuzuru is enjoying this conversation, his mother calls for him to eat. 

"I need to go. Mom is calling" He explained. 

"Oh, sure. Bye then" Nathan said and Yuzuru bid goodbye as well then turn the call off 

After saving Nathan's number he stood up from his bed and wore his slippers. He was just making his way down stairs when his phone vibrated he checked it and saw a text message. 

From: Chen 

Get well soon. ps: ur voice sounds good by the way. i was too shy to tell u earlier. 

And swear to god Yuzuru almost threw his phone off the stairs but he didn't. He just went downstairs with a smile plastered all over his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey. I know it's a lousy update. I'm having a hard time writing and thinking about the story but I'll try my best to make it much more interesting next time and yes, Yuzu suffers from asthma and I read somewhere that influenza makes it worst.Just some clarification, the announcement of Yuzuru's withdrawal from the Nationals was my idea. I know it's quite fast that they announced it after Yuzu arrived at Japan but I need to do that for the story. And about the overseas call thingy, I dont really know if it applies to all country but in my country calling overseas is very expensive .heheh I think they announced it after a week Yuzu arrived from Japan? I don't really know the exact date. So yeah, here is chap five :)


	6. Shouldn't have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From A to zero real quick.

CHAPTER SIX 

Days passed by in a blink and Yuzuru is currently curled up in the sofa watching the television. His cold turned into flu and his mother predicted the situation rather clearly. He has been spending his days either inside his room, in the couch or just sitting in their garden taking the view and relax. He is everything but relax since he came back from the Grand Prix especially the Nationals is a day away. The 4 time Japanese National Champion was feeling really regretful he had to withdraw from this year’s competition. It isn’t even about him not being able to defend his title, he was feeling more sad about the fact that he let so many people down. He remembered the very big posters pasted almost every where in Sendai wishing him good luck. His devastated to say the least but he can’t do anything right now. His body is too stiff, his feeling too cold and his head feels like bursting. 

He recalls that one time a few days ago when he tried to get up and go to the nearby rink. He wasn't even out of his bed when he felt the whole room spin that he almost stumbled to the floor. He decided not to be so stupid and just remain in his fluffy bed and get well for the Worlds but the little part of his brain, the not rationale part he always call send in waves of frustration whenever his left alone with his thoughts. 

The Japanese skater finds it rather calming to the nerves when he speak with his family members or just anyone in general. Javi had been calling from time to time but he is too concern about the latter’s phone bills he tend to cut their talk short (as if Javi can’t afford though). The situation is rather different today though. His alone at home, with his thoughts circling around the living room like distracting traffic lights. Yuzuru is feeling a bit better than yesterday and he can actually look at the television without getting an headache or something. His asthma didn't act up the past few day which he was very thankful about. 

So at the moment, Yuzuru was lazing around waiting for his parents coming back from grocery shopping because Christmas Eve is just a few more hours. It’s around 11 am and the young skater was switching from channel to channel after settling to a news program recapping yesterday’s National. He was happy seeing Shoma perform and his other friends too but he can’t help feeling regretful at the same time. Pushing his self up, he turned off the television and looked around the silent house for a moment. He needs to do something or else he’ll go crazy. Realizing he has nothing productive, he stood up and went to the kitchen. 

“I better just get something to eat.” He told him self as he looked for something edible in the counter. Settling for a toast and a glass of orange juice, he plopped down the chair across the kitchen counter and picked up the newspaper his father probably was reading earlier. Brian was constantly checking on him making sure he is recovering, resting and not getting too stubborn. He replies to his emails daily and realizing he haven’t replied to the email he got earlier, he fished out his phone from his jacket and typed in a reply because he was too lazy and walked upstairs for his laptop. 

Pressing send, he locked his phone and was about to put it back his jacket pockets when ONE OK ROCK went off. Creasing his eyebrows, he was wondering if Brian is calling to check if he was lying, which he of course, never do. Flipping the phone up, the caller I.D almost got him choke on his orange juice. He almost forgot about the constant calls he was receiving from Nathan. It started from a call a day but as days went on, the American skater seems getting too hooked up calling him and their conversations are getting longer. Not that Yuzuru mind, Nathan was actually a very helpful distraction from his self-pity. 

He swiped to answer and muttered an incoherent “Hello” to the other line as he munch his toast. 

“Is that even considered Japanese or your speaking alien language now?” Nathan said muffling a laugh in between. 

Yuzuru swallowed deeply and cleared his throat and adjusted himself in the kitchen counter. 

“H-e-l-l-o” He said again, this time in a much clearer way. Nathan didn't held back his laugh this time and just burst from the other line. Yuzuru was confused and what the younger boy found funny but didn't asked anyway. 

“Gosh, your so cute” Nathan said, as he calm himself down. He settled himself in his living room, sitting in the sofa. 

“I’m not cute.” Yuzuru disagreed and the American Is not agreeing at all. 

“You are so deal with it” Nathan said and Yuzuru pouted on the other line. 

“By the way, how’s Christmas preparation?” Nathan asked. 

“Going well, it’s would be nicer if I win Nationals today but no because I didn't join” Yuzuru said. He is still very much affected by the Nationals and he can’t help but think about it all the time. 

Nathan sighed. This past days that he is calling Yuzuru he tried his best to comfort the other skater and it’s still not working that much. His still depress about the Nationals and keeps talking about it. 

“You know you should just move on. I heard Shoma won, It’s much better to be happy for him” Nathan explained. Yuzuru nodded taking another sip from his juice. 

“I know. I try to forget about it.” Yuzuru said 

Nathan on the other side lied down the sofa and slowly closed his eyes. It’s 5 am in there place and he is still damn sleepy but he badly want to talk to the Japanese skater. Yuzuru heard a yawn from the other line and he raised an eyebrow. 

“You sleepy talking to me?” Yuzuru asked and Nathan’s eyes opened wide. 

“Why call then?” Yuzuru added. 

“It’s not like that” Nathan said, getting up in the process. 

Yuzuru doesn't know why he feel a little annoyed. Last week he was trying hard not to talk to the kid, trying hard to hide from him so that he wont see him but now his annoyed because he yawned while talking to him. It seem twisted but who cares. 

Yuzuru stayed silent for a while, keeping his phone on his ear. He hears Nathan sigh from the other line as the American skater spoke. 

“It’s 5am here, I can’t but feel a little sleepy” Nathan mumbled low. 

5am?

“In the morning?” Yuzuru asked. 

“Yeah” Nathan answered. 

Oh yeah, the time zones. Nathan has been calling him every morning or afternoon which means it could be either two, three,four or five in the morning in his place. 

So Nathan stays until the morning? Or he wakes up really early either way he may be lacking sleep. 

“You should sleep more then. Why call?” Yuzuru asked 

“I want to hear your voice” Nathan mumbled again, so low that it felt like his whispering it. 

Yuzuru didn't notice the small hint of smile creeping on his face. 

He doesn't know how to describe it but he feel a little grateful. Happy maybe? 

“Stupid. Stop saying that. What’s good in hearing my voice?” Yuzuru asked as he slowly spin his seat. 

“Everything.” Nathan answered shortly and swear Yuzuru smiled. 

Nathan on the other hand is seated quietly, looking at the window where the sun slowly rises. 

He knows they should be competitors, his coach said so. He knows he should be focusing on beating him not getting close and sappy but he just cant help it. 

Yuzuru is beautiful. Everything about him just sparkles. His smiles, his eyes, not to mention his skating costume. He literally glows and many people agrees with that. 

He skates elegantly and he knows his way far behind that that’s why he want to get close. 

He wants to stand in the podium with him again, he truly want too. 

Nathan’s living room is slowly being painted with soft orange as the sun rose. 

Yuzuru on the other hand just stares blankly at the toast that is left on his plate. 

He shouldn't be feeling like this. 

Yuzuru is not the social type. He is not anti-social but he doesn't make many friends like the others. He is not like Javier or Nam who’s friends list is very long. 

He doesn't talk on the phone with somebody this long, well except with Javi but Javi is an exception, the only exception or he thought so. 

Nathan is one of his rising rival. The new kid with quad lutz and quad flip. He even beat him in the free skate at Marseille and who knows what will happen in the future. He is one of those skaters he wants to beat and with that thought he never imagined being friends with him not to mention on how he approached him on their very first personal meeting. 

Right now he feels extremely comfortable talking with him. The tension disappeared and his enjoying each conversation and it’s scaring him a little. 

“Still there?” Nathan’s voice echoed from the other line and Yuzuru’s thoughts was cut off. 

“Yeah” Yuzuru answered shortly. 

“What are we talking again?” Yuzuru asked. 

“Your voice” Nathan answered. 

“Oh yeah. What about it?” Yuzuru asked again. 

“It’s beautiful” Nathan answered again. 

“Yeah right” Yuzuru just brushed the topic off not wanting to feel awkward. 

There was a moment of silence and Yuzuru didn't dared to speak. 

He waited for Nathan to say something because he didn't know what to say. 

Somehow their conversation went from fun to a little deep and he could feel the hesitation from the American skater. 

Was it because of the compliment he gave Yuzuru or because he wanted to give him more? 

“Do you still think I’m joking when I told you I like you?” Nathan suddenly asked. 

“Of-course. It’s impossible your serious” Yuzuru said faking some laughs in between. 

“It’s true though” Nathan said. 

“Stupid. That’s impossible, were both boys” Yuzuru said. 

“But you like Javier, why is it impossible?” Nathan asked. 

Yuzuru was caught off guard. He didn't know what to say. Nathan knows? Was he that obvious? 

Did he tell anybody? Did they believe him? 

Oh my god. 

This is really a prank. He really wanted to make fun off him. 

“I, I don't like Javi” Yuzuru lied because his mind is going frenzy and he just pushed ‘end call’ after that. 

He didn't want anyone to know. 

No one should know, especially not Nathan. 

Nathan blankly stared as his phone as the call ended, low beep sound echoing on the living room. 

He balled his hands in a fist wanting to release some tension. 

Gosh, his mouth could be very loose sometimes. 

“You were starting good Nathan, so good” He whispered to himself as he throw his body back at the sofa. 

He palmed his face in frustration. He fucked up so bad and he didn't know why. 

Does Yuzuru hates mentioning it that much that he likes Javier? Did he offended him? Insulted him? What? 

He looked at the window and see the sun completely up. 

“Beautiful” He whispered and he thought he should have had just complimented Yuzuru more and now he thinks his screwed, really screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for another lousy update :/  
> I don't really know the time difference between Japan and America but when I searched it, it says that America is 14 hours behind Japan so I counted it myself. I'm not very sure if I'm right with the time thingy but pls forgive I'f I'm wrong.  
> I know it's very uncharacteristic for Yuzu to panic for such small matter or for him to react like that but I wanted to put a little conflict between them so yeah. I know the conversation between them somehow went from light to very deep and I'm sorry if the atmosphere shifted so fast. My gosh I'm saying sorry so many times. I hope you still continue to read this. I'm happy to hear some suggestions too :)


	7. We're okay now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fast forward to 4 Continents 2017: Things is actually going well.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Yuzuru dropped his luggage at the bedside and threw everything else he;s holding on the bed in front of him. He just arrived in Korea and he's exhausted as hell.

After recovering from his flu he hurriedly flew back to Toronto and practiced. He was feeling a little stiff maybe because he was off the ice for how many days but all in all he was feeling okay.

He flopped at his bed and let his body fall down. He needs some rest before practice the next day and needs it right now.

Nathan has been bugging him the whole time. Calling him, texting him and calling him all over gain. It’s been like that for the past days especially after  their last conversation.

He just hung up to the American skater after freaking out when Nathan mentioned him liking Javier which no one ever mentioned before. Maybe he was overreacting and it made things more obvious but he really didn't know what to do, no one really mentioned or ask about him liking Javi or even having the slightest admiration about the Spanish skater. Was he that obvious?

Yuzuru ruffled his head due to frustration. He needs to let go of all those things at the moment and just focus on the competition, he's going to skate at the Olympic stadium. It’s the place where he's planning to win Gold, his second gold for the upcoming Winter Olympics. He stared at the white ceiling above him. He really needs to clear his mind. Many things has been going in and out of it for a while.

The pressure is slowly creeping in. His fans, the eye of the media,the critics and oh not to mention the most talked about ‘five quads’ news that's been bugging him.

If he’d be ask what his problem at the moment he’ll correct it by ‘who his problem’ is at the moment.

As if on cue his phone rang and he picked it up to see who was it and on the screen read in all capital letter, ‘INCOMING CALL, CHEN’.

He put his phone down and act as if the ringing is not there, he can’t hear anything. He doesn't want to answer because he is his problem, it’s Nathan.

He didn't know the kid could affect him like this but when he heard that the American skater landed five quads at the Nationals he wont lie but he felt really impressed but at the same time bothered. He knows he cant do that, my gosh it’s five freaking quads, two of them he can’t even jump yet. He is not scared, no he's not. Feeling threatened? Well he is.

Now he knows it’s not going to be an easy way to the Olympics. It was never easy but he never thought it would be this hard, harder than he expected.

He stared at his cell phone lying beside him.

“You just don't know when to give up” He mumbled low as he picked the phone up and sat properly.

He cleared his throat a bit and answered it.

“What?” He asked rather sternly.

On the other side, the American skater almost jumped off the couch startling a peaceful Jason Brown at the corner.

“At last you picked up” He said standing in the process. Nathan waited for an answer from the other line but Yuzuru didn't spoke.

“I don't know if I offended you or what made you angry but if its because of the Javier thing I’m really sorry” He said, walking in circles in the middle of his hotel room.

Still, Yuzuru didn't spoke back and Nathan just went on speaking.

“If you say you don't like him then you don't like him, but I swear I know you like him” He said, stopping in the middle of the room and Jason silently thanked the gods because looking at Nathan spinning around in circles is quite distracting.

“You tell anyone?” At last Yuzuru spoke and Nathan sure missed his voice sounding like that in the other line.

“I didn't. It’s just my assumption and I’m not someone who spread rumors with no basis” He said

Yuzuru inwardly sighed. He was sure relieved knowing Nathan didn't told anyone.

“Why you think I like Javi?” Yuzuru dared to ask this time.

Nathan stayed quite for a second and Jason looked at him questioningly.

“Dude? You fine?” The other skater asked as Nathan looked rather very deep in his thoughts, standing in the middle of the room staring straight on the ground with his phone on his ears.

Nathan didn't answered Jason though, he answered Yuzuru instead.

“The way you looked at him. The way you talked at him. You looked really happy” He said

“I’m happy with everyone” Yuzuru retorted not wanting to admit anything.

“Not as happy with Javier” Nathan said recalling how Yuzuru’s eyes would glow when he hears Javier’s voice or when his talking with him.

It’s looks really happy, genuine and pure of bliss.

Maybe that's why he knows that Yuzuru likes Javier because he feels the same way too when his with the Japanese skater.

It’s hard to explain. Even harder if your trying to explain it with the one you like.

“You are thinking nonsense, really” Yuzuru said from the other line and Nathan could sense it.

The lie, the urge to deny but he's not buying it.

“Okay, if you say you don't like him then you don't.” But he's willing to play blind so that everything gets better between them.

“Don't mention it again” Yuzuru said.

“Sure thing” And Nathan agreed and he felt the tension ease a little.

“We okay now?” Nathan asked.

“We were not ‘not okay’ “ Yuzuru mumbled and Nathan just chuckled.

How cute.

“Yes we were and now we are okay” Nathan explained and he heard Yuzuru sighed.

“Whatever you say. I don't understand” Yuzuru mumbled again and swear Nathan is smiling like crazy and Jason is finding it uncomfortable.

“I’m still gonna beat you though” Yuzuru said.

“Oh really?” Nathan teased.

“Yes, even with your five quads” Yuzuru said firmly.

“You saw? How was it?” Nathan asked as he settled himself again in the couch.

“Good. Your axel is better now too” Yuzuru said. He wont lie, it was really impressing seeing someone land five quads and also Nathan improved so much with his triple axel.

Nathan felt electricity all over his body when Yuzuru complimented him. He threw his fist in the air and muttered a silent ‘yes’ under his breath. He felt fulfilled right now.

Yuzuru just said his triple axel was better. He can die now.

Jason eyed him suspiciously. Nathan looks like a love sicken puppy at the moment.

“That's very flattering coming from an Olympic champion like you” Nathan said after he composed himself.

“Still you better prepare. I go home with gold” Yuzuru stated.

“If you say so then” Nathan didn't argue anymore.

He's really willing to lose if Yuzuru wants the gold that much but he wont though. If he's not gonna win gold he’ll give Yuzuru a one heck of a fight then.

Their conversation went on with bickering from who’s gonna win gold to why his Pooh is always with him to some random stuffs Nathan wants to know about Yuzuru then Brian Orser went in and made Yuzuru end the call for some meeting or something.

After hanging up Nathan put his phone on the table beside him and saw Jason staring at him.

“What?” He asked.

“I didn't know you have a girlfriend” Jason said, a smile slowly creeping his face.

“ I don't” Nathan retorted as he stood up and went to his luggage.

“You seem to have fun talking on the phone though. All giddy and stuff” Jason insisted and the American teenager just shrugged it off.

“So how she? Is she from your school? Tell me” Brown went on throwing questions at the younger boy.

“No, not from school and now way I’m telling you” Nathan said and after he got his wallet from his bag and headed for the door.

“Your no fun” Jason mouthed and Nathan just chuckled.

As the American skater held on the door knob he looked back at his companion again,Jason beamed in anticipation.

“One thing though, it’s not a ‘she’ duh” He said as he went out of the room and closed the door behind him leaving Jason Brown confused through his bones.

The day went by and Nathan found himself standing in the Olympic stadium getting ready for the short program warm up.

He was all giddy because he and Yuzuru is in the same group and that means he get to see him again.

As the skaters gathered at the boards waiting for the practice to start he finally saw the Japanese lad clothed with his all black training suit clutching his Winnie the Pooh on his right arm.

He waved at him and Yuzuru looked at his direction. He gave him a wide smile but Yuzuru just stared at him blankly and lined up with the other skaters.

“Well that's cold.” Nathan muttered. Not the reaction he was expecting but well, this is a competition anyway. Maybe Yuzuru don't want to get distracted and he's fine being ignored like that.

The Korean staff later on opened the rink and all of the skaters dashed in the newly polished ice. 

Nathan did the same, eyeing a certain Japanese skater though as he slowly glide around the ice with so much ease and grace.

How can a human being be that beautiful?

They waited for their turn to perform to their music and Nathan skates before Yuzuru.

After finishing his run through he went to his coach and listen to some critique on his jumps.

After some time the arena was filled with Prince’ Lets Go Crazy and the cheers became wild. This whole stadium is almost filled with Yuzuru’s fan and they cant help but scream everytime Yuzuru jumps.

He opens up with his quad loop which is perfect. His spins are amazing his steps are great then he jumps his second quad which is a Salchow with a triple toe in the end and it was breathtaking.

Nathan found himself at awe with Yuzuru’s skating and who wouldn't?

“Look at that triple axel” He heard his coach mumbled behind him.

“It's an axel no one can top” His coach added.

Yes, his triple axel is as perfect as he is.

He found himself clapping wildly after Yuzuru’s run through. He is indeed an Olympic Champion.

“This sure is a clean run through but he is popping quite a lot of his quad sal earlier. That will get him in trouble someday” Nathan heard his coach said from behind and he cant help but to agree.

The quad salchow combination, Yuzuru had been popping it since Skate Canada.

He doesn't know if its right to worry about his opponent but he his worried.

He unconsciously skated towards Yuzuru and the Japanese skater was shocked to see him.

“Nice run through” He commented and Yuzuru just bowed slightly.

It’s been a while since he saw him this close and it feel somehow magical seeing Yuzuru face to face.

“Will you be okay with the salchow though” Swear, Nathan didn't really meant to ask it out loud to Yuzuru or mention it but his mouth just somehow talked on his own and he regretted it.

He saw Yuzuru narrowed his eyes and looked at him in disbelief.

“I mean, it’s not that--- I know you'll do well but—“ Nathan stuttered in between words but Yuzuru hushed him up.

“You should worry about yourself not me. I do well, you better focus on your axel” Yuzuru coolly shrugged off and Nathan cant help but smile.

He nodded his head and Yuzuru skated away from him. Before the Japanese skater can get away any further Nathan shouted a ‘Goodluck’ which echoed all over the rink and made all the skater and audience looked at his direction.

Yuzuru stopped for a moment and looked back at him.

“You too” He mouthed not wanting to get more attention from the people around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. I've away from here for quite a while and I'm back. This chapter is just like a filler chap because nothing very significant really happened here. hehehe  
> I just wanted to get over the 4CC practice and write about the SP already but the chapter is getting long so I'll just put the 4CC short program at the next chap. Jason Brown made a cameo in this chap. His such a cutie right? And yes, Yuzuru's quad sal triple toe is not very successful especially in the free skate and in 4CC he was popping some of it in the run trough.  
> Oh by the way, my twin sister made this fic entitled Colors. It's a Yuzuvier fic/monologue pls check it out. Her acc name is sparksfly0033.  
> So yeah, I'll try to write more interesting stuffs in the next chap but for now it's just this one :)


	8. Relieving some tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru was shocked about his SP results and got into a little deep talk with Nathan.  
> *someone eavesdrop too

CHAPTER EIGHT

Yuzuru is giddy. Not that 'I'm too nervous giddy' but that 'I want to jump at the ice giddy'.

He was restless the night before and just tumbled over his bed trying to get to sleep early but in the end he fell asleep at 1am but his not sleepy. His body clock is having a hard time but thanks god Korea is not that far from Japan he can adjust more better(eventhough his body clock is following mostly the time in Canada)

He zipped his coat up until just below his neck and shaked his arms and legs. The tension is there, he won't deny it. It's all over the venue. He looked around him and see the other skaters trying to warm themselves up even before the 6 minutes warm up starts. He sees Shoma on the corner looking something in between lost and determine. He just smiled because of that. On the other hand he looked at Patrick in his right. The Canadian is here to defend his title from last years 4 Continents but

Yuzuru will not let that happen. After that he feels a little nudge in his side and looked for who it was. He saw Nathan, standing just behind smiling at him.

He nod his head in acknowledgement and went back to stretching his arms.

"You look like your gonna kill someone" Nathan commented from the back as he also tried to extend his arms forward.

"I don't kill" Yuzuru replied this time rotating his head a little.

"We'll, so seemed to especially the way you look at Patrick" Nathan said

"Patrick won last year. I get gold this year" Yuzuru explained 

Nathan is always amused of Yuzuru's competiveness. His always so serious during competition he doesn't even treat anyone his friend but compitetor 

Maybe that's what makes him a winner anyway. His very determined to get the gold.

Nathan just laughed it off and just stayed quite. He just stood there behind Yuzuru, watching every move the Japanese skater does. 

He knows Yuzuru is now immersed at 'I gonna win this' bubble that's why he doesn't want to hinder the latters concentration.

After the 6 minutes warm up the skaters exited the rink and went back as the first skater of the last group prepares.

Nathan will skate before Yuzuru and his more than happy to be able to watch

Yuzuru skate after him. 

Skaters after skater, and just like that it was Nathan's turn.

He would lie if he'll say his not nervous at all. He may look all stoic and calm but deep inside he is rumbling and tumbling. The Olympic stadium is overwhelming. The crowd is overwhelming. His coach has high hopes for him especially after he landed five quads in his FS in the US Nationals. 

He calms himself. He breaths in and out.

The applause went down and the skater before him is already in the Kiss and Cry.

He breaths again. He closed his eyes and a familiar figure went in his head.

He sees Yuzuru mouthing him ' You too ' from yesterday's practice and all of the sudden he feels his hands stop shaking. He opened his eyes again and hear his name echo around the venue.

My god, the things Yuzuru do to him.

He smiles as he skated in the rink. Yuzuru's more than enough to calm him down and theres no way he'll mess up.

Nathan's body moved through the ice. He feels better than before. He feels light and his skates feels good. 

He jumped his first combination and it was lit. The whole crowd roared because of that and his more than willing to show them some more.

He was having a hard time with hus triple axels in the past competitions but not today. 

Everything in his program felt extraordinary and his very happy at the moment.

As he finished the last spin and striked a pose in the middle of the rink the whole stadium applauded and he knows he nailed it 

He bowed to the audience and skated towards the boards where his coach is waiting. He gave him a hug and they went to the kiss&cry.

He inwardly shouted yes when he saq his scores. 103, and his more than satisfied.

After that he then heard the announcer call out the next skater.

"Yuzuru Hanyu, from Japan" and the whole place went wild.

He clapped his hands together with the audience.

Now here comes the Olympic champion and his very excited to watch him skate.

He always loved Yuzuru's skating. It's one of the things that he find very beautiful about the Japanese figure skater. It's delicate but strong. It goes between soft and powerful.

But today is different. From the very moment Yuzuru popped his quad salchow triple toe combination, Nathan knows something is wrong.

"What's with him?" Nathan asked himself.

Yuzuru's opening quad loop was perfect but his quad sal? His never had a problem with it in the short program.

He watch the Japanese skater from the boards. One of the USA team staff have been calling him to go back stage but

Nathan want to finish Yuzuru's performance.

He looked at the rink again ang see Yuzuru line up for his triple axel. Nathan held his hands together and jumped up when Yuzuru landed his axel.

People around stared at him but he doesn't care. Yuzuru is doing his final spin and then he finished his performance.

Nathan clapped with the audience. He wanted to wait for Yuzuru after the kiss&cry but his staff pulled him backstage.

On the other hand, Yuzuru was more than okay with his sp scores, not to mention he popped a quad salchow and still get 97. 

After the kiss&cry he went off backstage with Brian. He was frustrated. He never expected to pop his quad salchow. Luckily he managed to jump a triple toe in the end.  
As they approach the lockers Yuzuru asked Brian.

"What score Nathan get?" as he looked at his coach.

Brian looked back at him and didn't say a word. Yuzuru looked at him confusingly.

"Brian, I ask you" Yuzuru said pacing up with Brian.

" We need to plan for your FS." brian dodged the question once again.

"Hello Brian? I ask Nathan's score" Yuzuru said again.

Brian then looked at him and mumbled.

"103" Sure he was shock. Not just because Nathan hit 100 again but because hie was 6 points behind. 

He nod his head slowly and muttered an 'ohh'.

Brian knows the pressure is slowly creeping in to Yuzuru. He was able to handle it quite nicely for the past years but you if you don't get pressured by a 17 years old with five quads then your not human.

He knows deep inside the strong and powerful Yuzuru Hanyu is a human being that get insecure and scared. Now that many things are at stake, his worlds records, the Olympics coming, his new quad and all the youngsters chasing him and his crown, Yuzuru sure have many reasons to worry.

Brian looked at his skater walking ahead of him and directly went to the lockers.  
Yuzuru got his lugagge and wiped himself off sweat. He knows the press conference is after the short and its either he stays in second place or go to third place if Shoma scores higher than he did.

And as what Yuzuru expected he sat at the table together with Nathan and Shoma, with the American on first place, Shoma on second and him on third.

This is bad, he thought as the interview went on.

He wants to look at least a little contented but his not and he can't. He mainly looked at the walls behind the reporters in front of them or just anywhere.

They asked him questions and his glad he was able to answer them properly. He wants the press conference to end. He wants to head back to the hotel and rest.

He just want to break away because for the first time in many years he feels a little, just a little suffocated.

He is being haunted by many realization after the short program. Things he never thought of especially when he was heading here for the 4 Continents. He never expected to finish 3rd after the sp and never expected to mess up his quad salchow after a perfect quad loop.

His head is dizzy of all the possibilities. The what if and what will. 

Yuzuru is emotional right now. Not that 'good' emotional but that 'bad, I think I'm gonna break down' emotional. He wants to rest but wants to be in the ice at the same time. He wants to practice more. He wants to do good.

After a couple more of questions the interview ended and the people in the venue dispersed.

He went by hinself and walk heading the hotel. He was walking silently when he heard someone calling his name.

He turn around and sees Nathan rushing towards him. He ingnored him and walked faster.

Nathan called his name louder and ran after him. He pulled Yuzuru by the arm and made the latter face him.

"Hey, you didn't talked to me after the press conference" Nathan said gasping a little.

"What do you want?" Yuzuru asked a little stern than usual.

Nathan frowned a little. 

"Nothing. I just want to say hi. Were you in a hurry or something?" Nathan asked

Yuzuru didn't answer him and he just looked at the Japanese skater for a moment.

After a while of silence, Yuzuru turned around and took a step forward, wanting to leave the younger already.

"Hey wait a minute." Nathan stopped Yuzuru and the Japanese skater looked back at him with his brows furrowed.

"What?" Yuzuru half screamed. His almost at his limit and right now, Nathan is the least person he wants to see.

"I just want to say goodluck for the FS" Nathan said slowly sensing the latters temper rising.

Yuzuru scoffed and Nathan looked at him confusingly.

"Goodluck? Do you feel pity because I'm third?" Yuzuru asked folding his arms in the process.

"What are you saying? I'm here telling you something sincerely Yuzu." Nathan retorted not liking the tone of Yuzuru's voice 

"How could you be sincere with your oponent? Your can say that becuase you got first. Are you that confident that you win tomorrow?" Yuzuru said and he knows he'll regret this later.

"I'm not here to make you feel small or something. I just want to talk. I was wondering what happened to your quad sal. I just want to make you feel better."Nathan explained and somehow

Yuzuru's facial expression soften.

Oh yeah, his quad salchow.

"It's normal for skaters. Some skaters just have bad times and mess jumps" Yuzuru said wanting to sound reasonable.

"But your not just 'some skater'" Nathan mumbled low and Yuzuru looked at him.

"Your Yuzuru Hanyu, you don't mess up a jump like that" Nathan almost exclaimed.

Yuzuru don't know why but Nathan looked more angry and regretful for his popped sal that he is.

Yuzuru just looked at him for a moment and suddenly his phone rang. Yuzuru tooked it from the pockets of his jacket and see Javier's name on the screen. He turned around and answered the call and felt a little ease when he heard the Spaniards voice.

"I'm okay Javi" Nathan heard Yuzuru said and without thinking twice, he pulled the phobe from Yuzuru's hands and turn the call off. 

Yuzuru looked at him with range and tried to get the phone from the American skater.

"What's your problem?!" Yuzuru eclaimed his voice filling the empty hallways.

"I'm the one here so you talk to me!" Nathan retorted back holding Yuzuru's phone tightly.

"Why do you even care anyway?" Yuzuru asked again. His head is aching with all the things happening and his not on the mood to deal with Nathan right now.  
Nathan ruffled his hair in frustration.

"My gosh Yuzu, do you still ask that question?" Nathan said and Yuzuru just stared back at him.

Nathan walked closer to Yuzuru and looked straight at the Japanese skaters eyes.

"I like you, of course I care" Nathan mumbled low looking vulnerable and shy. 

Yuzuru could see Nathan's cheek glow red and his ears turning crimson.

Nathan looked down after that and waited for the Japanese skater to speak whick didn't happen.

Nathan looked at Yuzuru again.

"I'm not here because I pity you or something. I don't have the right to pity a Yuzuru Hanyu. I just want to---I want to, gosh I just want to make you feel motivated or something." Nathan stumbled with his words and Yuzuru find it cute.

Yuzuru held in the chuckle that was about to come out and cleared his throat.

"Still it's rude to interrupt a conversation. You just pulled my phone from me" Yuzuru explained as he help his palms open wanting to get his phone.

"You feel much better when you talk with Javier and it pisses me off." Nathan said not giving Yuzuru his phone.

Yuzuru gave him a 'What?' and Nathan answered.

"You get angry when I approach you. You ignore me sometimes and you don't believe when I tell you I like you but when it's Javies, you smile, you laugh. You always talk to him" Nathan explained looking down in the process.

"Of course because his my friend and teamate" Yuzuru answered back.

"You like him, and that pisses me off more" Nathan said 

"I told you I don't like him---"

"Even you deny, I know you do" Nathan cut Yuzuru off.

They looked at each other for a while and swear Nathan looked like a sad puppy, his eyes down and his tail low.

"When did you start doubting yourself?" Nathan said low but Yuzuru heard it. 

"You shouldn't be acting like this. Your the Olympic champion, you should never feel insecure. You said it before that you don't limit yourself. Cheer up a little. There's countless possibilities after this" Nathan added, not meeting Yuzuru's eyes.  
There was silince after that.

"Anyways, I'm sorry I bothered you. I know your tired and all. Here, I'm sorry about the call too" Nathan said handing Yuzuru his phone. The Japanese skater get his phone back and looked at Nathan. He feels a little bad for the kid. He recieved Yuzuru's tantrums which Yuzuru knows he doesn't deserve at all. 

It's the second time Nathan told Yuzuru he likes him but right now, more seriously. He remembered how Nathan 'confessed' for the first time and it's not a memory that he really like remembering but right now, somehow Nathan sounded so sincere and true.

He is having a hard time dealing with the pressure and is on the verge of breaking down but somehow he didn't. His still sane and this kid in front of him is right. He is not just 'some skater'. He is Yuzuru Hanyu and he shouldn't feel down because of a popped quad salchow. He still have FS and his still can mange to bounce back. 

When did he started doubting himself? Yuzuru smiled. Gosh, he is thinking way too much. 

Nathan turned around and walked away from Yuzuru. He didn't know how it end up like that when all he wanted was to simply say hi and cheer the Japanese skater up.  
It didn't went well though.

As Nathan continued to walk away from Yuzuru he heard the Japanese skater call his name. He turned around and see Yuzuru standing in the middle of the hallway, clutching his phone in his chest.

"Goodluck for FS" Yuzuru said and hastily turned around and walk away.

It was low and almost not audible but the words somehow reached Nathan's ears.

His lips curved into a big smile and he almost forgot that they we're shouting at each other earlier.

Nathan stood there like a smitten puppy.

He turned around and stomped his feet on the floor wanting to contain the electricity running inside his body.

His glad Yuzuru somehow got his message, maybe?

As he walked away to the other side of the hallway towards his room he didn't noticed a Canadian skater standing in the very corner who almost dropped his water bottle after witnessing all that happened.  
His glad he didn't dropped it though or else it would be very awkward. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, I'm backkkkkkk.  
> This chap somehow went from okay to emotional af. I didn't mean to do it like this but it somehow happened.  
> I know Yuzuru is mentally and emotionally strong so forgive me if I somehow made him look fragile or weak here.Its getting a little complicated and I'll try to fix this story next time i uodate.4cc was a big emotional ride especially for me. I remembered asking my twin sister twice if Yuzu did popped his quad sal in his sp. It was damnn unexpected. But anyways here is chap eight. Comments and critiques are very much accepted :)


	9. A little progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan wins 4 Continents and gets a reward.

CHAPTER NINE

Free skate.

Nathan was feeling it.

The pressure of being number one, of being on the top.

The seventeen years old American was very glad scoring high on the short but the pressure from that is making him feel stiff and nervous. He is new to all of this.

The crowd, the big stages and competing in the senior  level. Warm up was okay. He thinks he is okay and that he’ll do fine but one certain person is bugging him since the warm up started.

“I told you Patrick it’s not like that” Nathan repeated for the nth time getting the same ‘not convinced’ look from the Canadian skater Patrick Chan.

Patrick crossed his arms in front of him and leaned forward to the American skater.

“Is it that hard to answer? I’m just asking you if you idolize Yuzu or something. It’s a yes or no question. Not that hard” Patrick said but Nathan can hear a different ring in his question.

“That’s not what you asked earlier Pat.” Nathan retorted taking a napkin from his coach who is quite curious of why the Canadian skater is talking too much with his students rather than warming up.

Patrick has been asking him if he like Yuzuru or something and his been answering no all over and over again but the Canadian is not buying it. He seems like he knows something.

“Well so you don't like him means you hate him?” Patrick asked again.

“Of course not!” Nathan exclaimed rather louder than he expected and the other skaters warming up including Yuzuru looked at them.

“So you like him” Patrick chimed.

Nathan sighed. He knows it’s not the normal ‘like’ Patrick is referring.

“I do. Happy now? But not that kind of ‘like’ ” Nathan quoted the last word and Patrick raised an eyebrow.

“But that’s now how I heard it last night” Patrick said with a smirk

Nathan’s head shot back at Patrick as he realized what the older meant.

“Last night? Where?” Nathan asked his head scrambling at the very moment. He sure is very open with his feeling for the Japanese skater but that doesn't mean that he wants everyone to know because he knows it will cause trouble to the other skater.

“When you are having a lovers quarrel,the hallway of the hotel is not the best place to do it. You have a long way to go kid” Patrick mused, smiling mischievously at Nathan.

“It’s not like that. It's not a lovers quarrel. Yuzu doesn't feel that way” Nathan explained

“One-sided?” Patrick asked.

Nathan looked at Yuzuru for a moment and gosh he felt shivers all over his body. How can someone be so beautiful and carefree and----

“Hello? Nathan? “ Patrick flicked a finger in front of Nathan who seems lost in thoughts while watching Yuzuru warm up.

“Stop ogling. He’ll feel weird” Patrick said after and Nathan stopped looking at Yuzu and went back to Patrick.

Nathan cleared his throat and started skating his way back to the center of the rink with Patrick following behind him.

“Hey, I’m asking you if it’s one sided. So it is? Yuzuru doesn't like you back?” Patrick asked while the two of them skate side by side.

Nathan doesn't answer and the Canadian skater cant help but see the sadness in the younger’s eyes.

“So this is where Javi goes in the picture” Patrick mumbled and Nathan stopped skating.

“Bingo” Patrick said and Nathan looked at him looking annoyed.

Patrick raised both his arms up backing off a little because the boy sure looks like his gonna bite off a part of Patrick body at the moment.

“Just please don't go around spreading rumors about Yuzuru” Nathan then said.

“Then how about if I spread rumors about you?” Patrick asked, keeping a safe distance.

Nathan looked at him for a moment then looked at Yuzuru.

“I don't mind as long as his not involve in something that will make him feel uncomfortable.” Nathan mumbled and Patrick looked a him in awe.

This kid is sure serious and Patrick quite amused about that.

“So how it is competing with your love?” Patrick teased wanting to ease the tense atmosphere.

“I want to win but I don't want him to lose” Nathan said and Patrick was shock Nathan didn't got angry and just answered the question.

“Well, that complicated.” Patrick commented and Nathan nodded.

“Everything is complicated” Nathan mumbled slowly and Patrick just followed his gaze directing towards Yuzuru’s direction.

Poor kid. His first love will surely hurt a lot.

Patrick heard Nathan cleared his throat beside him. He looked at Nathan and saw the later darting arrows towards him.

“Stop ogling. I’ll kick you” Nathan warned and Patrick just chuckled and went off.

Nathan was left alone. He don't want to get distracted that's why he’s trying his best not to go near Yuzuru or look at the Japanese skater’s direction which is very hard.

“Until the competition is over. Just until the competition is over. “ He keeps on repeating to his self.

The warm is far over now and everyone is gearing up for the last group of performers which is Nathan and Yuzuru’s group.

Everyone is anticipating on how the Olympic Champion reclaim the top spot from being second in the short program and how the American newbie defend his place in number one.

Nathan positioned himself in front of the monitor backstage. He swing his arms back in forth trying to look like his concentrating in arming up before he skate rather than watching Yuzuru skate.

He see Yuzuru skating his way in the center of the rink and everyone was clapping.

He holds a deep breath as the Japanese skater’s face is focused on the TV screen.

Everyone was glued on the TV. Coaches, skaters that finished performing. All of them wants to see what Yuzuru will do.

The music starts and Nathan stretched his knuckles wanting to ease his nervousness that is pilling up in the moment.

Yuzuru lines up for his first jump which is the quad loop and Nathan is internally chanting a prayer inside his head.

Yuzuru takes the jump and lands the loop perfectly and on cue Nathan leaps in the air raising his fist up.

All the people around him including his coach looked at him questioningly and he just pretended not to notice.

While Nathan was busy monitoring Yuzuru’ performance, the Canadian Patrick sneak beside him and studied Nathan’s expression.

He sure is in love and he just cant help but chuckle that's when Nathan looked beside him and saw Patrick.

“Looks like your rooting for your rival” Patrick said looking at the monitor.

“So what if I am?” Nathan mumbled as he went back and watch Yuzuru land his triple flip after the step sequence.

“That's not very good, especially in competitive skating kid.” Patrick said

Nathan looked at him and Patrick looked back.

“I don't see him as my rival. He is my friend---“

“And love interest?” Patrick finished and Nathan didn't answer. He just went back at the monitor and cursed under his breathe when Yuzuru pooped his third quad which is the salchow and miss the combination.

“You should be happy he pooped that one or else you’ll lose the gold” Patrick said once again but Nathan didn't mind.

He see Yuzuru line up for his last quad toe and mumbled a yes when he landed it.

Patrick is way far from being amuse. This is hilarious.

“You look so happy right now I think your crazy” Patrick commented.

“Your so into him are you?” Patrick asked.

“So what if I am?” Nathan answered back.

“It’ll hurt more then, knowing he doesn't like you back” Patrick said lowly.

Nathan knows his right.

This is going  nowhere. His feeling may never even reach Yuzuru but why?

Maybe because…

“I’m happy”  Nathan mumbled back.

“What?” Patrick asked not hearing quite enough.

“I’m happy being around him, seeing him or just looking to him even just a second. I’m okay with this as long as I’m near him or him near me. I don't need him to like me back. I know it will hurt but I’m okay, I’m okay as long as he is here” Nathan said staring at the ground and with the cheers of the crowd reaching the backstage.

Patrick just stared at the kid.

Hearing it from a 17 years old, not sounding childish at all. It sounded so sincere that Patrick could feel every emotion Nathan put into it.

Nathan looked back at the screen. Yuzuru landed his triple axel triple toe combination and is now lining for another  triple combination which didn't because he change it into a quad toe double toe and everyone around him is gasping.

“Looks like your little love is not here to lose” Patrick said amused of Yuzuru’s fighting spirit.

“Of course. His Yuzuru Hanyu after all” Nathan said feeling proud.

“Look who is happy now” Patrick teased and Nathan didn't mind him at all.

Yuzuru is almost at the end of his program. He work his way through his last sequence and went to an Ina Bauer. Everyone was anticipating for a triple lutz and again that didn't happen because Yuzuru just threw in a triple axel at the end of his program and Nathan is smiling from ear to ear.

Everyone is clapping, complimenting Yuzuru and Nathan’s coach just dragged him off the monitor because his gonna skate next.

Patrick just stood there looking at Nathan’s retreating back.

“Young love” He said and went back to monitoring.

 

Time flew fast and Nathan was sitting quietly in the locker rooms, calming himself.

He could feel the coldness of the ice even after his free skate. The crowd going wild which is barely visible when he skated around the eyes.

He could still feel that one moment his heart skipped a beat when he stumbled a little with his triple axel but still manage to land it and that very fulfilling feeling when he landed his fifth quad.

He was very nervous in the kiss and cry. Yuzuru scored so high he thought he’ll miss out the gold but a little part of him is beaming lowkey thinking he’ll see Yuzuru with the Gold medal in the podium.

But he kind hide his happiness when the scores summed up and he saw the sign ‘1’, he couldn't help but leap up.

Nathan finished tidying his stuff. Everyone outside is getting ready for the awarding ceremony. After making sure all hi stuff is on the right place he went out of to the rink again.

The podiums are already in the rink and the other skaters who won is already on the boards.

Shoma is quietly standing in the corner and from where Nathan is, he saw Yuzuru.

His all sweaty which the audience always fail to notice because Yuzuru looks flawless all the time, even when his covered with sweat after a performance.

He walks near the older Japanese skater and Yuzuru looked at him to acknowledge his presence.

Nathan smiled at him but Yuzuru didn't smiled back. Of course, Nathan was expecting this.

He just beat Yuzuru and he knows that the other don't really like to lose.

Nathan looked at the different direction, feeling the tense aura in front of them.

Yuzuru still didn't bother to talk. He just waited for the awarding ceremony to start so that this competition ends.

After a very dragging awards ceremony everyone dispersed and the crowd exited the stadium.

Nathan on the other hand went back to the hotel that able to talk with Yuzuru properly after the FS and the awarding.

Maybe he’ll talk to him after the gala? On the banquet maybe?

But that didn't happen.

No talking in the gala except the one moment Yuzuru skated towards him and did a high five which he thinks is a part of the finale choreo. Or that one time Yuzuru cutely posed with him in front of Alex’s camera then flew off.

But all in all, they didn't talk at the gala.

Nathan I feeling really hopeless. After what happened in the hallway, or after he knew Patrick knew that ‘that’ happened and that he likes Yuzuru, he didn't have a proper conversation with the Japanese skater.

He is very worn out, mentally and physically.

Nathan stood in the veranda of the hotel where the Banquet is held. After the small medal for the free skate was given everyone started to mingle and get to know each other. He heard a thousand of congratulations already and the night is just starting. The place is filled with skaters, coaches, members of the federation and of course the media.

He looks at the city light in front of him and it was gorgeous.

After days of competing, the tiredness and exhaustion is slowly creeping in. Not to mention he’ll travel back to America tomorrow---

He was cut off when his phone started vibrating inside his pocket. He took it out and looked at the screen. His eyes almost popped out when he saw the caller i.d

“Yuzu?” He said as the very moment he put the phone on his ear.

“Yeah. Where are you?” He hears Yuzuru say despite of the busy talkings and the music playing inside the hall.

“I’m at the veranda. Just on the end of the room---“

“Found you” Nathan was cut off again as he heard a voice behind him.

He turned around and there he saw Yuzuru standing in front of him, phone still in his ear.

Nathan just stood there, mouth open clutching on his phone.

Yuzuru ended the call and approached Nathan. He stood beside the American skater and faced the view.

“It’s nice here” Yuzuru commented and Nathan dumbly nodded.

Why did he call? I’m the one who always call.

Nathan’s mind id fuzzy. He never knew receiving  a call could make you feels this jumpy and excited.

There was a moment of silence and Nathan was desperately trying to think of what to say but it was no use. He is afraid that he’ll say something stupid and Yuzuru will flee off.

“Congratulations” Yuzuru said and Nathan looked at him with eyes wide open.

Yuzuru was watching straight out to the city in front of them and Nathan just watched him.

Yuzuru then looked at him and there eyes met.

“Congratulations” He repeated and swear Nathan is the happiest person right now.

Yuzuru smiled at him and it was gorgeous.

From all the people that congratulated him this is the best one.

It’s from Yuzuru Hanyu, not just once but twice.

This is maybe a special treat for him winning first and he is very glad.

“You beat me now but I’m okay” Yuzuru then said.

“Your skating is still the best” Nathan commented and Yuzuru chuckled.

“You rude. Thank me first, I said congratulations” Both of them chuckled and Nathan was happy things are going smoothly.

Yuzuru stepped forward, wanting to look at the magnificent scenery in front of them.

“This is beautiful” He mumbled. The wind is blowing softly and the light from the city below is twinkling.

Nathan just stood behind him. Yuzuru looked back and realized he was blocking Nathan’s view.

“Sorry. I’m blocking the view” Yuzuru said and moved away a little.

Nathan just smiled.

“Don't worry.”Nathan said and approached Yuzuru.

“You are my view” Nathan added and Yuzuru felt his heart skipped a beat.

He swallowed a little and looked at the younger skaters eyes. They were so sincere.

Yuzuru looked away and straighten his stance.

Nathan on the other hands hide a chuckle and looked at front again.

He like this. Making Yuzuru blush. Seeing his cute reactions.

He likes this side of Yuzuru.

The competition is tough and they need to maintain a neutral relationship when they are on the ice. Maybe that’s why he didn't talked to him back then.

But whatever it is, he sure like it when Yuzuru is near.

Even his feelings is one-sided. Despite of what Patrick said, Nathan is contented being near Yuzuru. This is more than enough.

He looks at Yuzuru again and talked.

“Can I ask for a reward?” He asked.

“For what?” Yuzuru asked him back.

“Winning” Nathan answered.

“Whatever” Yuzuru rolled his eyes and Nathan just laugh.

Nathan quietly laced his fingers with Yuzuru which made the Japanese skater flinched.

“What are you doing?” Yuzuru mumbled looking around in the process.

“Just for a while” Nathan said not wanting to let go no matter how much Yuzuru try.

“People think different if they see” Yuzuru said again but Nathan is not listening.

“Just for a while” Nathan repeated.

Yuzuru sighed.

“This is reward?” Yuzuru asked lifting their entwined fingers.

Nathan nodded.

“You want reward like this? Just this?” Yuzuru asked again.

Nathan looked at him.

“For you maybe it's a little childish but its everything for me” He said he Yuzuru felt the skip in his heart again.

Yuzuru looked away, so did Nathan.

They stood there quietly.

Just the two of them

Nathan is looking at the nowhere but the sky when he felt Yuzuru lacing his fingers with Nathan properly.

He looked at Yuzuru and the Japanese skater looked down shyly.

“Thank you” Nathan mumbled and tightened his grip on Yuzuru’s fingers.

“Just one time” Yuzuru mumbled as he tries his best to calm his heart inside his ribcage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello. I've been late for days and I'm sorry for that.  
> My story is late, I'm still at 4CC when Worlds is already finished and guess what? I'm veryyyyyyyy happy of the results.  
> My gosh it was nerve wrecking after Yuzu placed 5th in the SP.  
> I jumped up and down when I knew he won though. It was amazing. He is amazing.  
> By the way here is chapter nine. It's not yet checked or something. I just badly want to post an update, I hope you are still with me. Enjoy and comment below :)


	10. Full of tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> javier confronts Nathan.

CHAPTER TEN

Nathan found himself listening to his coaches’ lecture after they arrived in his hotel room.

His short program results didn't favor them that day when he finished sixth overall. He’s glad that he made the cut for the free program but he didn't really expected to place low when he looked forward for good sp scores especially after skating clean sp in the competition before the WORLDS.

Yes, the tension in his first ever World figure tournament is slowly sinking in and its not making things any better.

“What was that Nathan? I thought you were pretty confident?” Rafael said going round and round in front of Nathan as he wave his hands in different direction up in the air.

The old man is frustrated, well why wouldn't he? But Nathan is not in the mood to answer his coaches’ questions about his short program.

Honestly, Nathan doesn't really know why he messed up. Maybe it's the foreign country? The time zone messing up his body clock? Maybe it’s his 5 week old skates that his not really use to wear?

It could be anything but his very clueless. His body condition is great. His mood is okay.

Everything is fine, especially after what happened in the 4 Continents banquet.

He smiled when he remembered what happened. The warmth of Yuzuru’s hands is still there. He could still feel it. Gosh it was magical.

“What are you smiling about? Your in sixth place for gods sake. Everyone in the top 3 is over 100. We’re lucky Yuzuru is off today too” Rafael declaimed, stopping in front of Nathan in the process.

The American skater rolled his eyes and his coach just sighed.

Speaking of Yuzuru, the Japanese skater is in fifth after the short after he messed up his quad salchow combination and invalidated a double toe after that.

Honestly, Nathan is more concerned about Yuzuru than his situation.

It’s unusual for Yuzuru to mess up on his short program. Maybe he got nervous or what but not Yuzuru Hanyu and not in Worlds when he firmly said that he’ll reclaim the title after two years of placing second behind Javier.

How is he feeling right now? Nathan badly wants to know.

Is he okay? Maybe he’s depress or something?

Nathan pulled his phone out his pocket after Rafael retreated and went back to his own room.

He searched for the Japanese skater’s name and typed his message.

_To: Yuzu_

_What’s up?_

Nathan pressed send and realized how smug his text sounded.

He cursed under his breath when he didn't get a reply after almost five minutes.

He was about to send another one when he heard a knock on his door.

He lazily pushed himself up from where he is sitting and went to the door.

He absentmindedly twisted the knob open expecting his roommate outside. Nathan looked up and his eyeballs almost popped out his eye socket when he saw who was standing in front of him.

“Holy sh*t! What in the world” Nathan blurted out curses and Yuzuru just frowned.

“What are you yelling? Your so loud” The Japanese questioned.

Nathan just stood there, holding the door knob with his mouth wide open. He wants to say something but he doesn’t know what and Yuzuru on the other hand just stood in front of Nathan waiting for what the younger will say.

After a while of just standing and doing nothing, Yuzuru noticed that people passing by the hallway were staring at them and it’s making him feel uncomfortable.

“If your not saying anything can we go in now?” Yuzuru asked lowering his head a little, trying to hide his face.

“Go in? Where?” Nathan asked, sounding rather dumb for Yuzuru’s opinion.

Yuzuru looked at Nathan in disbelief.

“Room.” Yuzuru mouthed.

“Ah, yes. Room. Yeah sure. Go in. Let’s go in” Nathan said flustered and made way for Yuzuru to enter.

After the door is closed Yuzuru settled himself in the couch just beside the bed and Nathan awkwardly stood in the middle of the room.

“Don't you want to sit?” Yuzuru asked gesturing on the bed.

“Ah yeah. Sure, I’ll sit” Nathan muttered again, hurrying and settling himself in the bed, facing Yuzuru.

“So what brings you here?” Nathan asked.

He sure is shock because of Yuzuru’s visit. This is very unexpected.

“I have nothing to do” Yuzuru said looking around the room.

“Bored? You should have went to Shoma or Keiji” Nathan said.

“You don't want me here? I thought we’re friends now?” Yuzuru asked

“It’s not like that. It’s just your closer to them and----“

“I don't want to bother them. Shoma needs to concentrate for the free, so does Keiji. I also don't want to bother Javi, especially after placing first in the short. He’ll be distracted if I go see him” Yuzuru explained.

“But you came and bother me?” Nathan retorted, sounding more annoyed than he expected.

All he heard about what Yuzuru said is ‘Javi’ and that he doesn't want to bother him.

It didn’t please Nathan.

Yuzuru just looked at him and Nathan avoided the eye contact.

Yuzuru then stood up and went to the door.

“Sorry if I bothered you” Yuzuru said and held the door knob.

“It’s not like that” Nathan hurriedly reasoned. Yuzuru just stood there with his back facing Nathan.

“You don't what to bother Javi that’s why you didn't come to him to talk but you came to me. I placed sixth in the short Yuzu. Does that mean you don't really care if you bother me at all?” Nathan asked and he knows he sound stupid.

Yuzuru looked at him with his eyebrows almost meeting in the middle.

“Do I bother you?” Yuzuru asked.

“No” Nathan answered.

“That’s why I came here” Yuzuru said.

Nathan just looked at the boy standing in front of him.

Right now he realized how much he likes Yuzuru. This Japanese skater is making him feel electricity all over his body with not doing anything at all. By just standing there, looking all gorgeous when his wearing plain tee and track pants.

“So your taking advantage of my good heart?” Nathan joked sensing the atmosphere getting thick.

“Of course not!” Yuzuru exclaimed as he let go of the door knob and went to Nathan.

“I thought you need someone to talk. You texted me so I came” Yuzuru said looking down feeling a little bit shy.

He wanted to comfort the American boy. He doesn't know why but he want to. After seeing Nathan’s results today he cant help but feel bad.

It’s Nathan’s first Wolrds and he knows that the kid is overwhelmed by the big stage he’s facing for the first time.

He also had the same feeling when he went to his first Wolrd tournament in Nice last 2012.

“i---I felt stiff in the short. My feet is not listening at all” Nathan said as he settle himself back in the bed.

Yuzuru sat next to him.

“It’s natural. It’s your first Wolrds. I placed seventh on mine in Nice” Yuzuru said recalling his experience back then.

He knows how frustrating it is. He was also seventeen back then.

“But you won third place after the free” Nathan said.

“That's right. You can do it too” Yuzuru urged seeing the hesitation in Nathan’s face.

“I’m not you. You are naturally talented. You’re born to win” Nathan retorted and he earned a slap in the back after that.

He rubbed his shoulder as the pain radiated all the way from there.

“If I can, you can too” Yuzuru said.

All this time many people keep on motivating him to come back strong in the free but it’s the first time he felt he really could do it.

Nathan just chuckled.

“You should worry about yourself not me. I’m not the one going around saying he’ll reclaim his title or what.” Nathan joked.

“I will reclaim by title” Yuzuru firmly said. Not a waiver in his voice or a sign of doubt in his eyes.

How could someone be so confident after placing fifth?

Yuzuru doesn't really fail to amuse Nathan and he just keep on making the American boy fall in love more.

After a while, the Japanese skater beside him pulled his stoned bracelet from his left arm and extended it in front of Nathan.

“What’s that?” Nathan asked.

Yuzuru pulled Nathan’s left arm and slid the bracelet in.

“Goodluck charm?” Nathan asked again.

“You don't need luck, stupid. It’s power stones. My mother made it for me. It gives you strength” Yuzuru explained. Nathan eyed the bracelet. He knows Yuzuru wears them anywhere. Why is he lending it to him?

“But this is yours” Nathan said as he tried to remove the bracelet and give it back to Yuzuru. The Japanese skater stopped him and put the bracelet back on his arm.

“I lend you. You need it more” Yuzuru said.

“Don't blame me if I beat you in the free because of this” Nathan teased Yuzuru waving his arms with the bracelet in front of Yuzuru’s face.

“Try then. Let’s see” Yuzuru answered folding his arms in front of him.

They both laughed after that and Nathan is loving this moment but then, a knock is heard from the outside and Nathan stood up to open it.

“Maybe it’s Jason” Nathan explained as he opened the door.

“Hi. I heard Yuzu is here” It’s not Jason though. Nathan was welcomed by a Spanish skater standing in his doorway.

Javier gave him a smile and peak behind Nathan checking if Yuzuru is indeed there.

It didn't took a while when Yuzuru saw Javier outside and approached the both of them.

“Javi” Yuzuru beamed as he stood beside Nathan.

“Brian is looking for you. You didn't answer your phone so he send me to look for you instead” Javier explained.

“I left my phone. Sorry I bothered you” Yuzuru said after bowing a couple of time.

“It’s okay Yuzu. Just go to him quick” Javier said.

Yuzuru nodded his head and exited the room.

“I go now Nathan. Lets go Javi” Yuzuru said waiting for his training partner to move.

“You go first. I’ll follow you. I need to ask Nathan something” Javier said patting Yuzuru’s shoulder.

Yuzuru nodded again not bothering to ask Javier what he wants to know from Nathan because he knows Brian will kill him if he makes him wait more.

When Yuzuru left, Nathan waited for what Javier is going to say.

Javier looked at him and caught the bracelet in his left arm.

“That’s Yuzu’s” Javier mentioned, gesturing to the bracelet in the process.

“He lend it to me” Nathan said, holding the  bracelet protectively.

“Oh? He never takes it off during competition.” Javier said once again.

“Well, it’s with me now. I didn't forced him or whatsoever” Nathan defended, knowing well what Javier means.

He never thought Javier could look this cold and scary. He always see him as a happy go lucky, free willed and calm Spaniard but guess his wrong.

“What do you want from Yuzu? You’ve been bothering him since the grand prix” Javier questioned the younger.

“I don't want anything. I just want to be friends” Nathan answered.

“Friends? I know somehow you want to distract him. You're his rising rival ever since the grand prix. But whatever your planning, you cant ruin a Yuzuru Hanyu” Javier went on and Nathan is losing his chill.

“I’m not planning anything that will ruin Yuzuru. I’m not planning to distract him or anything. I just want to get close.” Nathan explained trying to calm himself.

Javier chuckled.

“Close? For what? I heard many rumors Nathan. Your team has been planning many ways to kick Yuzu out and I hope you are not a part of it. I hope ‘this’ is not one of those plans” Javier said, walking closer to the younger.

“Why do you care? Aren’t you afraid he’ll get your World title?” Nathan asked

“If Yuzuru gets my World title, I’m fine with that. But his my friend and I don't want to see him get sabotage” Javier retorted.

Sabotage? Why would he sabotage Yuzuru.

“Take care of that kid” Javier then added pointing on the bracelet.

“I don't know why he lend you that but I hope your not what I think you  are” Javier said.

Nathan didn't say anything. Javier turned his back to the younger kid and took a step forwad.

Nathan don't know why but he feel provoked and insulted.

He always hated Javier. He’s always with Yuzuru. Always near Yuzuru. Not to mention he’s the one that Yuzuru like.

Nathan took a deep breath.

Javier is just five steps away from him.

“I---“

He started. Javier stopped and look back at him questioningly.

“I li---“

Javier tilted his head to the side not getting what Nathan is saying.

“I like Yuzuru” Nathan then said,

Javier looked at him with wide eyes.

“You what?” Javier asked not believing what he just heard.

“I like Yuzuru that’s why I want to get close” Nathan added looking at a very surprised Spaniard in front of him.

“Excuse me?” Javier said not believing what the American skater just said.

The 17 years old skater just looked at him, eyes firmly meeting his. He would see the latter’s hands trembling a little but still Nathan remain composed and determined.

“You like Yuzuru? Really? You idolize him? Adore his skating?” Javier asked while motioning his arms in front of him.

“Everything, plus the fact that I’ll like to make him mine” Nathan said and Javier chuckled.

He’s having a hard time processing all that Nathan is saying.

“Yours? You think you can have him?” Javier questioned.

“Yes” Nathan shortly answered as he feel the temper rising inside the Spanish skater.

Javier looks scary right now. He looks different when he is with Yuzuru.

It’s like a total turn of character and Nathan didn't know Yuzuru affects Javier like this.

Javier chuckled again.

“Nathan, whatever you planning stop right now. I will not let you make your way into Yuzuru’s mind and ruin everything he worked hard for”  Javier said, walking a little closer to the younger.

Nathan could feel his throat dry and he swallowed a little.

“What are you saying?” Nathan asked.

“Don't act innocent. Many people knows how much you want Yuzuru out, all of you” Javier said.

“I won’t do that. I like him. I want him happy and----“ Nathan was interrupted by someone clearing his throat beside them. Both of them looked at their said and see a Canadian skater standing with his arms fold in front.

“Patrick” Javier said, nodding his head a little.

“If you’ll have an argument can you at least lower your voice especially when your out in the public? People passing is staring at you two” Patrick said.

Nathan looked around them and saw many people passing by.

Nathan face palmed himself and Javier just tch realizing how weird they sound and look.

“Okay, can we all just stop for a while and let this ‘I like Yuzuru’ and ‘You think you can have him?” argument and enjoy the Worlds a little bit?” Patrick mused and Javier and Nathan just ducked their head down.

“Gosh you guys are amusing and Yuzuru is quite popular with men, yeah?” Patrick added wanting to ease the tension between the two.

Javier and Nathan didn't say a thing and Patrick just sighed.

“Lets go back to our room Javi. Let Nathan rest. The free skate is tomorrow you know” Patrick proposed and Javier nodded his head and walked away not even excusing himself.

“There goes his manners.” Patrick joked.

Nathan just watch the retreating back of the Spanish skater.

He realized something just now.

“He likes Yuzuru,right?” Nathan asked in the air an Patrick assumed it was for him.

“Yeah, he does. It’s just more complicated to admit now” Patrick answered as he watched Javier walk away.

Nathan grabbed his wrist, the one with Yuzuru’s bracelet on it and squeezed it hard.

He feels  a little defeated right now.

He feels like his losing the fight already.

He thinks…

“I’m gonna lose him” Nathan murmured as he let go of the bracelet he is clutching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while.  
> I've been busy this past days and honestly I didn't really know what to write so forgive me if this chapter is lousy. I'm trying my best to find more interesting things that I'll add. I hope you enjoy this update though.  
> I'll try my best to update faster this time. :)  
> I'd also want to give a shout out to the amazing persons who helped me edit my work.  
> To Lily who edited chapters 1-3 and Raquel who is working hard in editing the rest. What will I do without you? I'm really happy you guys offered help. <3  
> I'll update the edited chapters after the other chaps are polished.   
> ps: not edited at all sorry for the typo's


	11. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Yuzuru winning Gold in Worlds, Nathan found himself heartbroken.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

 Yuzuru was more calmer than usual.

His coach told him to take it easy in the warm up and reduce the jumps during his run-through.

The Canadian coach instructed the Japanese skater to keep his cool and forget about the short program.

Brian wants Yuzuru to stay fresh that’s why he wants less stress for Yuzuru today.

Yuzuru on the other hand keep skating in the middle of the rink. He jumps a couple of triples and some quads then takes a rest after that. He watch the skaters in his group go over their choreographies and steps. He inhaled a little and closed his eyes after that. He now realize what is at stake, it’s the Gold medal and the World title.

He wants it.

He wants it so bad.

Yuzuru then rotated his wrist for a moment and looked down to look at his left wrist.

At that very moment, Javier approached him and stood in front of him.

“Your bracelet is gone” Javier announced earning Yuzuru’s attention.

“Oh, I left it somewhere I guess” Yuzuru lied because telling Javi he lend it to Nathan will take a lot more of explaining.

Javier just looked at the Japanese skater clutching his left wrist. He knows how uncomfortable Yuzuru feels right now with one of his treasured bracelet is out of his possession. It bothers Javier, how Yuzuru just lend Nathan one of his lucky charms in this very crucial moment.

“Will you be okay?” Javier asked

Yuzuru nodded but he knows the look in Yuzuru’s face. He’s nervous.

Even though he may be calmer than usual, it doesn't mean his not nervous or scared.

“You’ll do just great Yuzu” Javier encouraged as he grabbed both of Yuzuru’s hands and held it together.

Yuzuru smiled and Javier felt a part of him melt.

The Japanese skater, since he arrived in Canada worked a lot of magic with Javier.

Everytime he smiles, laugh or even cry, Javier just melt deep inside.

He could feel his stomach tumble and his heart beat fast.

He knows it’s wrong, knowing that he has a girlfriend but he doesn't know why Yuzuru makes him feel this way.

He thought at first it’s because their friends but then it became something else, something more.

He hears Yuzuru chuckle.

“Your not afraid I get gold?” Yuzuru asked pulling his hands out of Javier’s grasp.

“No” Javier answered.

“I could give it up for you” Javier mumbled and Yuzuru creased his eyebrow not hearing very well what his training partner just said.

“What you say?” Yuzuru asked again and Javier just waved a hand in front of him.

“By the way, why we’re you at Nathan yesterday?” Javier asked this time.

“I talk to him” Yuzuru answered as he eyed Shoma from the corner of his eye.

“Talk about?” Javier asked again.

“Anything” Yuzuru answered again then clapped his hands as his junior cleanly landed his quad loop.

“You seem close with Nathan now” Javier announced and Yuzuru looked at him.

“We are friends” Yuzuru then said and went back in analyzing the skaters in front of him.

Friends?

“Already? Back in the Grand Prix you seem not very fond of him” Javier recalled when he walk in during Nathan and Yuzu’s conversation in the Grand prix finals where Nathan was unnecessarily close to Yuzuru back then.

 “That was before, now we’re okay” Yuzuru said.

Javier looked at where Yuzuru was looking.

He was watching Nathan skate.

Yuzuru would wince a little if Nathan falls after a jump and his body would twitch whenever Nathan pops a jump.

He looks so interested and concerned. Javier is not liking it at all.

The Spanish skater skated in front of Yuzuru pretending not to notice that he’s blocking Yuzuru’s view of a certain American skater.

Yuzuru furrowed his brows and looked at his training mate. Javi just shrug his shoulder and smiled at Yuzuru.

“What are you doing?” Yuzuru asked

Javier tilted his head and act clueless and the Japanese skater in front of him just rolled his eyes.

“I should be the one asking you that Yuzu. What are you doing?” Javier questioned as Yuzuru skated away from him. He followed the younger skater waiting for an answer.

“Watching other skate” Yuzuru answered as they stopped of their coach.

“Your not watching ‘other’ skater Yuzu, your watching one skater” Javi said mimicking his training mates action and pulled a tissue from his own Kleenex.

“Who? Shoma? Of course I watch him. His my friend” Yuzuru answered.

“Yeah you watch Shoma a couple of times today but your vision is glued with Nathan since the beginning of practice” Javier said

Yuzuru looked at the Spanish skater with eyes wide open.

“I’m not watching Nathan” Yuzuru defended.

“Then your ogling him. It’s too obvious Yuzu” Javier retorted and he earned a smack from Yuzuru after that.

Javier sighed.

Yuzuru doesn't really pay attention to other skaters. He’s mainly focus on himself but right now, the way he looks at Nathan its like his interested and Yuzuru Hanyu don't get interested into something or someone if he doesn't like it, or like you.

The mere fact of Yuzuru liking Nathan brings chills all over Javier’s body.

It can’t be.

“Can you just go and practice Javi?” Yuzuru said as he shoo Javier away.

The Spanish skater didn't complained though. He skated away from Yuzuru and went back to practice.

Time passed by so quick that Nathan found himself standing together with the other skaters in the last group behind the boards.

He stood there awkwardly shaking his arms and wiggling his toes inside his boots in order to relieve the tension that is slowly creeping in.

The whole arena is packed with people holding different flags but mostly Japanese flags and Pooh plushy .

Speaking of Pooh, Nathan was busy counting how many American flags are in the crowd when a certain Japanese skater stood in front of him, clutching a Pooh teddy bear in his side.

Yuzuru was busy putting on his gloves when Nathan poked him in the side. He turned around and saw a grinning American boy behind him.

“Hi” Nathan greeted.

Yuzuru smiled, a very subtle one as he finished putting on his gloves.

He gave Pooh to Kikuchi-san after a long squeeze in the head.

Nathan watched as Yuzuru rotated his wrist and pulled each fingers in his hands.

“Nervous?” Nathan asked.

Yuzuru looked at him and nodded.

“You don't have to” Nathan said and Yuzuru just chuckled.

“Sometimes you scare me with how much you trust me and my skating” Yuzuru mumbled as he adjusted the necklaces around his neck.

The Japanese then held his wrist once again and rubbed the beads of his bracelet.

Nathan noticed how the Japanese also did the same thing on his left wrist. Nathan looked at his own wrist, one with Yuzuru’s bracelet on it.

“Are you sure you’d be okay without the other bracelet?” Nathan asked worriedly.

Yuzuru just nod his head.

It’s the first time he’ll be skating without one of his bracelet on and his feeling a lot more uncomfortable than usual but he can manage. He knows Nathan need something to hold onto especially in this crucial moment.

“Just skate your best” Yuzuru said as he looked at the American skater.

Nathan looked back at Yuzuru, his eyes full of encouragement and positivity. He knows the Japanese skater is nervous but he can still see the determination and will to win behind those trembling eyes.

Yuzuru is on a different league and Nathan knows that. He’s more than anything you could ask for a skater and Nathan is not even worthy of saying something like ‘Goodluck’ or ‘Do your best’ but he thinks he needs to do something right now in return of all the favors Yuzuru has given him this past days.

Nathan is feeling down since his conversation with Javier. The practice for the free program didn't helped much as all he can see in the corner of his eyes is Javier and Yuzuru glued together all the time.

He knows it’s almost impossible, winning the Worlds and winning Yuzuru over Javier but he still want to try.

At least try.

One of the staffs from the federation walked in and opened the boards in front of them.

Yuzuru skated in the rink first and the others follow.

Nathan is watching the Japanese skaters back as he skated further away from him.

_I still want him_

Nathan thought as he circled in the rink together with the other.

 It was after Yuzuru landed his last quad on his free program that Nathan claimed to himself that the Japanese skater will be the one who’s gonna go home with the gold medal.

The American skater made his way to the rink as the crowd burst in cheers and yells when Yuzuru did his final bow.

The whole rink is filled with Pooh bears and flowers as Nathan entered the cold surface.

“ _Just skate your best”_

Nathan hear Yuzuru’s voice echo again and again inside his head as he clutch the bead bracelet on his left wrist.

He close his eyes for a moment.

He may not win on his first Worlds but he’ll make sure he’ll not regret any moment of it.

And even though Nathan didn't win, he was more than satisfied for placing forth overall after a devastating short program. Yuzuru on the other hand claimed the top spot after a perfect free skate.

Everyone was left speechless. No words can describe how beautiful it was. Yuzuru too everyone’s breathe away from start to finish.

Nathan was standing beside the green room holding a red tulip in one hand. He managed to ask one from the staffs and he’s more than happy to give it to Yuzuru, the new World Champion.

The American skater patiently waited. He could hear Yuzuru’s voice from the inside.

He smiled by just that.

He took a look at the bracelet on his wrist and noted to himself to return it later.

People started to go out from the green room and Nathan scanned each person passing by.

He tiptoed so that he’ll see much clearer. He then saw the Japanese skater walking directly back to the rink.

He followed the line of people behind Yuzuru, trying to get closer.

When he was just two meters away from Yuzuru he called for him but the voices of the crowd just drowned his own and then at that moment he heard Yuzuru’s voice.

“Javi!” The Japanese skater shouted as he opened his arms for his partner.

Nathan looked with eyes wide open as the Spanish skater hurriedly threw himself in the embrace waiting for him.

Yuzuru buried he’s face on the Spaniards neck and Javier did the same.

He hugged Yuzuru tightly.

“I told you right? You can get it” Javier said, loud enough so that Yuzuru could hear.

The Japanese skater held back the tears that are about to fall.

He is very happy to have his title back but at the same time sad for his friend.

“I’m sorry” Yuzuru whispered and Javier chuckled.

“Don't be” Javier whispered back.

Both of them just hugged there, in the middle of the crowd and Nathan could see it.

The connection between the two.

The invisible line that connect two people who’s meant for each other.

_Destiny._

It was something that doesn't need any explanation.

Yuzuru likes Javier and Javier likes Yuzuru. It keeps repeating inside Nathan’s head and it’s starting to hurt.

All those moment that Nathan thought he can still have Yuzuru just vanish and it was replaced by reality as he continue to look at the figures hugging in front of him.

“You we’re so beautiful” Javier whispered again and Yuzuru’s heart didn't skip as much as he expected it to but he didn't really mind and just hugged Javier tighter.

Nathan bitterly laughed at himself.

He looked at the tulip he was holding and let it fall on the ground.

“What was I thinking?” Nathan asked himself.

“It’s so childish” He added as he turned around and ruffled his own hair.

He took a step forward and realized that the bracelet is still on his wrist.

He took it off and slid it inside his pocket.

The American skater didn't dare to look back because he knows he’ll hurt more.

He went back to his hotel room and threw himself to bed.

Nathan stared at the ceiling and didn't even noticed his roommate entering the room

“Hey bud. Your not watching the ceremony?” Jason asked as he placed his things on his own bed.

The younger American skater didn't answer and Jason creased his eyebrow.

He looked Nathan who was lying on his bed and dumbly staring at the ceiling, thinking of who knows what.

“You alright?” Jason asked as he sat down next to Nathan.

Nathan manage to nod his head but Jason is not very convinced.

“Well you don't look okay. It’s okay Nathan. Placing forth on your first Worlds is something to celebrate you know.” Jason said, trying to cheer up his friend.

“I don't care about the results” Nathan mumbled. The American skater rolled on his side and the bracelet on the pocket of his coat feel down on the bed. Jason noticed it and took it from the the mattress.

He eyed the bracelet carefully.

“This is Yuzu’s!” Jason exclaimed and Nathan quickly turn around and snatched it from Jason.

“My god Nathan. Are you stealing things now? First his Pooh and skates now his bracelet? What’s wrong with you?” Jason dramatically mused and Nathan just rolled his eyes.

“I didn't steal it and I don't know what’s wrong with me” Nathan answered as he stared at the bracelet in his palm.

“I don't know what’s wrong with me” Nathan added

Jason saw the sadness in Nathan’s eyes and somehow it made sense.

The older skater bit his lip in hesitation. He adjusted himself in the bed and look at his teammate.

The teenager looked devastated and he knows now it’s not because of the results.

“Hey cheer up. There’s so many thing to remember and moments like this are something you should treasure. Your first time in Wolrds should be memorable Nathan. “ Jason said trying to alter Nathans thought to something more positive than whatever his thinking right now.

“Did you ever fell in love?” Nathan suddenly asked and Jason stared at him blankly.

“Wow, that’s sudden” Jason answered as he scratched his head.

Nathan sat up straight and placed the bracelet on his side table.

“Is this how it’s suppose to be?” Nathan asked again.

“Suppose to be what?” Jason asked back, not really sure of what Nathan meant.

“Painful” Nathan answered.

It was just a simple hug between two teammates, friends or whatever you call it but it felt something more. The way Javier have his arms around Yuzuru and how he strokes his back trying to assure the other that everything is alright. They way Yuzuru buried his face in Javier’s neck like it’s the place where he should be.

 The way they look at each other.

It was something more.

Jason didn't answer instead he looked at the boy in front of him.

“I- I have many memorable things to keep during my first World Championships.” Nathan mumbled

Many things happened but one thing is unforgettable.

“I had my heart broken” Nathan added and Jason looked at his teammate, trying hard to keep the tears from falling.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers.  
> I wanted to update as fast as i could but i end up updating late than usual. Please forgive me.  
> I wanted to wait until Raquel finish editing this chapter but I feel very uneasy if I don't update so I'm posting this chapter without her editing it. (I'm sorry)  
> But I promise to update the chapters with the edited one. Maybe next week or so.  
> I'd like to thank Lily and Raquel again. You are so patient with me and my writing. :)  
> I really wanted to make this chapter emotional but I guess I failed. I'm sorry again.  
> :)


	12. Won't give up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan decided to give Yuzuru up one moment then found himself hugging him after that.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Yuzuru sat down beside his fellow Japanese native Shoma Uno on the table allotted for them in the banquet. The younger skater turned towards his senior and bowed, Yuzuru bowed back at him as he adjusted his suit.

He’s been scanning the venue as soon as he arrived as checked his phone time to time.

The Japanese skater was restless for a reason he’s not very sure and the younger one beside him didn’t fail to notice.

“Who are you looking for senpai?” Shoma asked and Yuzuru looked back at him with a confused look. Shoma did the same and Yuzuru just shrug his shoulders.

“No one” Yuzuru replied but Shoma isn’t convince by that.

“You’ve been very uneasy since you sat down senpai. You seem to be finding someone in the middle of the crowd. Tell me who it is, I’ll help you” Shoma suggested and Yuzuru smiled at his junior.

He ruffled his hair a little and thank the young kid.

“It’s okay Shoma. It’s not that important” Yuzuru said as he sigh for the nth time that night,

After he’s interview, the awarding ceremonies or on the gala, Nathan hasn’t really talked to him. The American skater was out of Yuzuru’s radar for a while now and it’s very unusual.

Yuzuru expected a bombard of text messages, calls or even a ton of congratulations from him but there was nothing.

Yuzuru doesn’t really know why but he seems bothered by that and he can’t help but feel disappointed.

The banquet went on and on and Yuzuru just sat in their table, eating the food on his plate which is not that much, taking pictures to those who ask which is very tiring and doing the same thing again.

It was when Yuzuru stood up and went to the beverage area to get his third juice when he spotted a very familiar figure standing not so far from the table.

“Nathan!” He exclaimed and the American skater turned around and their eyes met.

Nathan was standing with Jason Brown and Patrick Chen as Yuzuru approached him.

“Hi!” Jason greeted Yuzuru first. Yuzuru smiled at him and then to Patrick who raised the glass of wine he was holding.

Yuzuru then looked at Nathan who was unusually quite.

The young American skater was busy twirling the glass of juice he was holding rather than looking at Yuzuru.

Patrick sensed the thick atmosphere building up that’s why he asked Jason to accompany him to go somewhere and made their exit after a few complain from the other.

Yuzuru didn’t really mind the two and looked at Nathan again.

Nathan raised his head up after a while.

“Hey” He greeted Yuzuru and the Japanese furrowed his eyebrows.

“Why not greet when I arrived?” Yuzuru complained.

Nathan bit his lip in hesitation. He doesn’t really know what to say in fact he’s been avoiding Yuzuru. Nathan wanted to lessen his interaction with the Japanese skater but Yuzuru is not  helping at all.

“I…I didn’t notice” Nathan reasoned and Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“Stupid excuse. Jason see me, Patrick see me. You just pretend not to see me” Yuzuru went on and on complaining and if everything was fine between them Nathan would have pinch his cheeks because of his cuteness but no.

Nathan was very firm in his decision to cut a little bit of Yuzuru in his system or else he’ll bleed out straight from his heart.

They both keep quite and then Nathan remembered the bracelet. He took it out of his pocket and held it out in front of Yuzuru.

Yuzuru looked delighted as he took the bracelet from Nathan and slid it back to his own wrist.

“Thank you for that by the way” Nathan mumbled.

“I hope it help” Yuzuru said

“It did, even I didn’t win” Nathan said as he went back twirling his glass.

Again, there was silence between them and Nathan is dying to talk to Yuzuru.

He wants to congratulate him, hug him and shower him with compliments but something in him os hesitating.

That very small voice that keeps echoing inside his head.

_“You’ll just get hurt in the end”_

It’s just too loud.

“Nathan? Are you listening?” Yuzuru’s voice pulled Nathan back to reality. He blink his eyes a few time and looked at the Japanese skater.

“Your not listening” Yuzuru said.

“I’m sorry. I’m just tired” Nathan lied, wanting to find an excuse.

Yuzuru nodded his head slowly and looked at Nathan and Nathan avoided his gaze.

Nathan is making everything awkward and Yuzuru doesn’t know why. After a while of standing there and exchanging short conversation, Javier found his way between the two.

“Hey buddy. I’ve been looking for you” Javier said as he stood beside Yuzuru.

Yuzuru looked up at Javier and smiled. Nathan on the other hand just stood silently, sipping juice from his glass once in a while.

“I see your having a talk with Nathan here” Javier then added as he looked at Nathan’s direction.

Nathan just nod his head, acknowledging Javier’s presence and the Spaniard smiled in return.

“I better find Jason. I’ll go first” Nathan said and went off. Yuzuru wasn’t able to finish what he is about to say and Nathan just flee away.

“What’s wrong with him?” Yuzuru mumbled.

“Maybe the kid is just tired. Let him be” Javier said.

“He is never tired” Yuzuru mumbled again.

Javier looked at his training mate as he intently watch Nathan’s retreating back.

“Especially when he’s with me” Yuzuru added.

Yuzuru put back the juice he was holding on the table and excuse himself to Javier.

“Where are you going?” Javier asked.

“I go to Nathan. See you later” Yuzuru hastily replied and went off to follow the American skater.

Javier watch as Yuzuru walk away.

He chuckled and took a sip from his glass.

“It’s impossible” The Spanish skater mumbled to himself as Yuzuru vanished from his sight.

He felt a little sting in his chest when he tried to deny the fact that Yuzuru is no longer within his grasp.

“Hey, stop!” Yuzuru half shouted as he grab Nathan by the arm.

He managed to catch up with the American skater as he exited the banquet hall.

“Your going already?” Yuzuru asked.

Nathan didn’t answer, He pulled his arms gently from Yuzuru’s and turn around.

“Your not going. Answer me first” Yuzuru grabbed Nathan again but this time more tighter.

“I’m tired Yuzu, please just----“

“Your not tired. You just don’t want to talk to me. Why?” Yuzuru didn’t made Nathan to finish.

He’s almost at his limit. It irritates him when Nathan acts like this.

“Before you talk to me, always. You say congratulations when I win. You text me, you call me but now, no” Yuzuru said in a very fast manner.

Nathan just looked at him, amused. It’s the first time he saw Yuzuru agitated like this.

“You don’t talk, you don’t look at me. Why?” Yuzuru asked again.

“I…I want to give you up” Nathan mumbled.

“What?” Yuzuru asked, not really getting what Nathan is saying.

“I want to give up on you” Nathan said once again, this time much clearer and louder.

“Give up? Me? What are you saying?” Yuzuru asked again.

“I like you, I told you right?” Nathan said as he looked at Yuzuru’s eyes.

The Japanese skater nodded his head and Nathan smiled because he looks incredibly adorable.

“Well, I don’t want to like you now” Nathan added and Yuzuru frowned.

“Why? You hate me now? I thought were friends----“

“I don’t want to be just friends Yuzu and I know we cant be what I want us to be” Nathan cut Yuzuru out and the Japanese looked more confused than usual.

“Javier likes you and you like him, You two are the one that should be together” Nathan said.

“Javi don’t like me that way. We are friends and he have Miki. Why you think he likes me more that Miki?” Yuzuru asked.

“The way he hugged you after the free program, Yuzu he looked so in love” Nathan said, remembering the sight that he witnessed back then.

Yuzuru just keep silent, looking at Nathan.

“Your meant to be” Nathan added as he pat Yuzuru gently at the shoulder.

“You’re, you’re stupid” Yuzuru mumbled.

“What?” Nathan asked.

“You say Javi loves me because of one hug? You’re stupid” Yuzuru said again and Nathan looked at him puzzled.

“Javi loves Miki, not me” Yuzuru added as he tried his best to calm himself.

“You make up weird stuffs and then don’t talk to me because of that” The Japanese skater continued speaking as the American teenager just listened.

“You say you give up because of that? Your too weak then” Yuzuru ranted and Nathan keep his mouth zip.

Yuzuru sounds furious and Nathan doesn’t know why.

“You should ask me first before you reacted. I feel stupid for worrying” Yuzuru added.

Yuzuru paused for a moment and Nathan let the Japanese skater take his time to get calm.

“I..I thought you don’t want the idea of me liking you, then why are you angry now?” Nathan asked

Yuzuru turned around avoiding Nathan.

“Angry? I’m not” He then said.

A small smile curved into Nathan’s lips.

“Then what are you?” Nathan asked and Yuzuru didn’t answer.

Yuzuru didn’t answer because he doesn’t really know why he is acting like this.

“I thought you hated it when I bother you, text you or call you but now I see It’s the opposite, yeah?” Nathan continued and Yuzuru just ignored him.

He could feel he’s face heating up because of embarrassment of he’s sudden tantrum.

“I thought we’re friends. Friends should congratulate each other right? But you didn’t” Yuzuru said.

The Japanese skater looked at Nathan again and see the teenager smiling at him.

“Why are you smiling?” Yuzuru asked.

Nathan shakes his head as he took a step closer to Yuzuru.

“You look so adorable right now” Nathan said and Yuzuru felt that again.

That skip in his heart he usually feel when his with Javier.

“I said why are you smiling” Yuzuru asked again as the smile in Nathan’s face grew bigger.

“Well, I just realized how stupid I am to say that I’ll give you up” Nathan said and he walk closer towards Yuzuru.

He looked at Yuzuru and the Japanese.

“Forget about what I said earlier. Erase it.” Nathan said.

The American skater let go of the idea of avoiding Yuzuru, he knows it’s impossible anyway especially when he only want to have the Japanese skater by his side, always.

“I’ll bother you more, call you all the time and send you many text everyday” Nathan said as he hold one of Yuzuru’s hands.

“I’ll say ‘I like you’ all the time, so be prepared” Nathan added.

He doesn’t really know why he decided to give because of one hug. He just mentally laughed at himself.

Yuzuru Hanyu is not someone you just give up, he’s someone you’ll fight for.

“I don’t care if you like Javier or if Javier likes you too, I’ll continue to like you” Nathan mused as he squeezed Yuzuru’s hands.

“Javi don’t like me. He have Miki” Yuzuru retorted

“If that’s what you think then fine” Nathan said raising both his hands up.

“Congratulations” Nathan said and Yuzuru looked at him.

“You were awesome.” The American skater added and Yuzuru didn’t know why he felt very happy at that moment.

“Ah! By the way” Nathan was startled by Yuzuru’s sudden exclaim. The Japanese skater went closer to Nathan and told him to close his eyes.

“I cant believe you going to kiss me, we’re not even dating” Nathan teased and Yuzuru smacked his shoulder.

“Give me your arm” Yuzuru said as he pulled Nathan’s left arm towards him. The Japanese skater carefully  pulled Nathan’s sleeves up. The American skater then felt something cold touching his wrist. Yuzuru instructed Nathan to open his eyes. The younger skater hurriedly looked at his wrist and saw a red stone bracelet on it.

“My mom made one for you” Yuzuru then said.

Nathan was left speechless as he stared at the bracelet on his wrist.

“It’s your own good luck charm so no need to lend you mine” Yuzuru added.

“You did great Nathan. Good job” Yuzuru said as he pat the American’s skater gently.

Nathan felt his body shiver by the touch and his heart beating wildly inside his chest. He looked at the stone bracelet on his wrist and then threw himself to Yuzuru.

“Hey. Let go, you hug to tight” Yuzuru complained as he tried to free himself from Nathan.

“Do you know how happy I am right now?” Nathan whispered.

Yuzuru stopped struggling and just gave in.

“Thank you” Nathan whispered again.

Yuzuru smiled over Nathan’s shoulder. He slowly wrapped his arms on Nathan shoulder and enjoy the embrace.

He is still unsure of what he is feeling right now.

The uncontrollable beating of his heart and the funny feeling inside his stomach. But one thing is sure, he is also happy seeing Nathan, talking with Nathan and having Nathan near him.

It’s the first time that Yuzuru haven’t really think about Javi for a moment and it didn’t really bothered him.

Nathan hugged Yuzuru much tighter.

_“What was I thinking when I said I’ll let you go?”_

Nathan asked himself.

"This is your reward for winning gold" Nathan said 

“I did not ask for reward, stupid” Yuzuru mumbled.

“Yeah I am, stupidly in love with you” Nathan mumbled back and  Yuzuru didn’t complained this time.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Call this a spur of the moment update. I finished this morning and was debating if i'll update this chapter or not. I wanted to add some things but end up not adding anything at all so I decided to post it today.  
> So here is chapter twelve. Enjoy :)


	13. Another confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier found courage to tell Yuzuru something then regretted it afterwards.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“That’s the tenth time you’ve checked your phone Yuzuru.” Brian announced as he stopped by just behind his student who was busy fiddling his mobile phone on the boards.

Yuzuru doesn't usually used his smart phone during practices but today the Japanese skater is going back and forth to his mobile during the breaks.

“Something important? We can end the practice for now if you like” Brian said as he watch Yuzuru checking his mails and inbox from behind.

Yuzuru didn't answer. He simply put his phone back the boards and skated back in the middle of the rink.

Brian just looked at his student. Something is different with the young guy.

While Yuzuru was doing some spins, Brian heard the skaters phone beep. He looked at the mobile device and saw a message flashed in the screen.

“Yuzu, you have a message” Brian called out but Yuzuru didn't heard. The coach picked up the phone and looked from whom the message is from.

_1 Message from CHEN_

“Chen?” Brian mumbled as he unlocked the phone and went to Yuzuru’s inbox.

It was filled with ‘CHEN’s’ messages.

_Hey, how’s your day?_

_4:23pm_

_It’s cold, wish you we’re here. >.<_

_8:17am_

_Still awake? Can I call you?_

_9:45pm_

_I miss you so much._

_1:23pm_

Brian’s eyes goes wide and wide as he scroll through the message. It was unintentional and he knows Yuzuru will be angry if he knows.

 

He put the phone back and called Yuzuru once again. He’s glad he didn't read the message that just came in. The Japanese skater heard his coach and went to him.

 

“You a have a message” Brian said and Yuzuru’s face lit a up like a thousand light bulbs.

The Japanese skater hurriedly picked up his phone and read the text. Brian saw Yuzuru’s smile curved up and up as he scroll through the text.

 

“Who is it?” Brian asked.

 

“Friend” Yuzuru answered shortly, typing back in the process.

 

“Ohhh. You seem very happy. You sure just a friend?” Brian asked again and Yuzuru enthusiastically nodded his head.

 

Brian narrowed his eyes. He needs to know who it was because he’s sure it’s not just a simple friend.

 

“Javi, come here for a sec” Brian called out as he spot his other student and the Spanish skater went to Brian.

 

“Yes?” Javi asked.

Brian made sure Yuzuru is back to the middle of the rink and asked.

“Do you know who is the ‘Chen’ Yuzu is texting? He seem pretty much into it” Brian said.

Javi’s eyebrow furrowed as he sighed.

“Why? You know who? I was thinking it’s Karen from team USA but then she’s too young for Yuzu” Brian said again as he rub his temple.

 

“No it’s not Karen” Javi said as he sigh once again.

 

“Then who? I don't know anyone else who is a ‘Chen’ in figure skating o is she not a skater? There’s no way it’s Nathan. Gosh I’m getting worried. It’s the first time he’s shown interest to anyone except skating” The Canadian coach expressed his thoughts as the Spanish skater in front of him keep silent, watching his training mate from the other side of the rink.

 

“Believe me Brian, I’m worried too” Javi said and the old man just looked at him then to Yuzuru.

 

Javier can’t also stop thinking about Yuzuru,his relationship with Nathan and how fast it escalated from Yuzuru being annoyed because of the American skater to them being close and texting buddies.

 

He knows he has a girlfriend, he is very much aware of that and even how many times he tries to deny it he still end up admitting to himself that he likes Yuzuru.

 

He doesn't know when it started but all he can remember is that he first felt it when the very timid and shy 17 years old Japanese skater approached him for the first time and ask him to teach him how to jump the quad salchow.

 

He remember Yuzuru looking  all cute and squishy as he fondle with his finger while talking to the Spanish skater. Javier end up teaching Yuzuru I secret because Brian didn't  allow the young kid to jump quads back then. They got scolded of course because it’s very hard to lie that Yuzuru just jumped a triple when it’s obviously a quad especially to Brian.

 

 Javier felt warm inside. Everytime he is with Yuzuru he feels very calm and collected. He thinks he’s at his most rational self when the Japanese skater is around and for the past five years he named that feeling as ‘like’.

 

He likes Yuzuru. Yes it's complicated knowing that he’s in a relationship.

 

He can’t bring himself to leave Miki nor confess to Yuzuru. He is scared because he knows that someone will get hurt and now he is more scared because there is a big chance that it will be him who will be hurt.

 

He loves Miki and he still think he does. He knows there is a big difference in love and like and that’s what separate his feelings for the two Japanese. He knows it’s selfish and he knows it’s unfair but he is trying his very best to sort his emotions as soon as possible.

 

As soon as possible.

 

After almost 4 hours of practice, Brian decided to send his students home. It’s the last competition of the season and he could see the tiredness in the movements of the two skater.

 

Yuzuru will be going to the World Team Trophy in Japan and Javier will just rest in Toronto because he can’t join the event.

 

Yuzuru was busy packing up his things in the locker when Javier enetered.

 

“Hey, going home already?” Javier asked as he picked up his own bag.

 

The Japanese skater nodded as he took a quick look at his phone.

 

“You’ve been busy with your phone lately. Shoma?” Javier asked even though he know who it is.

 

“No, it’s Nathan. We text” Yuzuru answered as he zip his bag close.

 

Javier dumbly nodded his head.

“You go home too Javi?” Yuzuru asked.

 

“Not yet. Let’s grab some food together” Javier requested. He knows Yuzuru doesn't want to hang out or eat out after practice and he could see the hesitation in the eyes of the Japanese skater.

 

“Hmm? Because I’m in a good mood…okay then” Yuzuru said and Javier beamed in delight.

 

“Let’s grab some sushi then?” Javier asked and Yuzuru happily nodded his end.

 

The two walked in the side walk silently. Javier is busy looking at Yuzuru while the younger skater fix his coat. It was almost six pm and the sun is slowly setting behind them. Yuzuru started talking about the World Team Trophy and how much he want to win together with Team Japan. Javier then answered that he’s very jealous because Yuzuru can join the competition and he cant.

 

Yuzuru laughed and Javier found himself captivated just like everytime the Japanese skater laugh because of his jokes or just because of anything else.

 

It’s a very lovely sound Javier wants to hear all the time and right now he is afraid that Yuzuru will laugh because of someone else.

 

It's heartbreaking and Javier is getting more scared that Yuzuru will be taken away.

 

They arrived at the restaurant by 6:20pm. They sat down and ordered.

 

“It’s been a while I eat out” Yuzuru said and scanned the restaurant.

 

“Yeah, you rarely go out” Javier commented and Yuzuru laughed.

 

“I’m lazy” Yuzuru answered as gave Javier a cheeky smile.

 

“But you sill won the World Champion despite of that laziness” Javier said and Yuzuru shrugged his shoulder.

 

“Maybe I’m just good” Yuzuru said.

 

Their orders arrived and the two started eating while conversing.

Yuzuru saying how sushi in Japan is much more delicious than here and they should try it together sometime.

 

Javier then answered that he got to try it many times already and agreed to Yuzuru that sushi in Japan is indeed much more delicious.

 

“You eat with Miki?” Yuzuru then asked and Javier fell silent.

Yuzuru keep eating, waiting for Javier’s answer.

 

“Ye-yeah. We eat sushi sometimes” Javier answered.

 

There was a moment of silent and Javier just watch Yuzuru eating in front of him. He will stuff his mouth with some sushi and say how much he misses Japan. He’ll sometime spill some sauce on the table and hurriedly wipe it off with a tissue while bowing unconsciously. 

 

They finished eating by 7:45pm and Javier offered to walk Yuzuru to the bus stop where someone is going to pick him up. Before Yuzuru would have tons of reasons to decline the offer but now, Javier is thankful that Yuzuru is letting him do this things for him once in a while.

 

They are walking side by side when Yuzuru’s phone rang. The Japanese skater hurriedly pulled it from his pocket and excused himself to Javier as he answered it.

 

They continue to walk as Yuzuru talk to his mobile phone. Javier could see the smile plastered in the Japanese skaters face as he talk. He seem enjoying himself and Javier is not liking it. He knows it’s Nathan and it’s adding up his dislike.

 

“I’m walking home” Yuzuru said in the other line. Yuzuru then looked at Javier and mouthed ‘Nathan’, Javier just nodded his head.

 

“I go to Japan next week…yeah, yes we see each other.” Yuzuru continued talking and Javier just listened.

After a while they reach the bus stop. Yuzuru’s drive home is still not there so they decided to wait for a while.

 

“Yes, I’m already here. The car is not yet here, Javi and me wait for a bit” The Japanese skater explained to the American on the other line.

 

“Yuzu, stop that already” Javier mouthed and Yuzuru furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“What?” Yuzuru mouthed back and Javier just shrugged his shoulders and Yuzuru just nodded his head.

 

“I need to go now…Javi is getting stingy..haha..” Yuzuru then looked at Javier and said

 

“Nathan said your just jealous” and the Japanese skater laughed.

 

Javier looked at him for moment and said.

“What if I am?” The Japanese then turned towards Javier and saw the seriousness in the Spaniards eyes.

 

Yuzuru hurriedly bid goodbye to Nathan and hung up.

“It was just a joke. You angry?” Yuzuru asked and Javier just sighed.

 

“I’m sorry I talk too long to Nathan, I didn't mean to ignore you” Yuzuru explained.

 

“It’s not that” Javier denied realizing that he just snapped at Yuzuru.

Javier has always been patient and friendly but he seem the exact opposite when his dealing with someone who is unreasonable close to Yuzuru.

 

He is irritated that Yuzuru is talking more to Nathan than him. He is annoyed of how Yuzuru would laugh with Nathans’ joke…he is annoyed that he’s losing Yuzuru.

 

“Javi.. I’m sorr----“

 

“Yuzu, I have something to tell you” Javier cut Yuzuru out and the Japanese skater stayed quite.

 

“I… I want to say that…” Javier started off, not really knowing of what he’s going to say. He looked at Yuzuru who is patiently waiting of whatever it will be.

 

Javier isn’t quite sure if he’s doing the right thing. He is not very sure if what will happen next after what he’s about to do. He knows it will make everything complicated, awkward and hard but he’s taking the chance.

 

 At that very moment  Javier threw all the worries and fear deep inside his chest. He curled his fist and took a deep breathe. He looked at Yuzuru and the Japanese skater looked back at him.

 

“I like you” Javier said and Yuzuru’s eyes grew wide, mouth hanging open and body rigid.

 

“Javi, you…what are you saying?” Yuzuru then said.

 

“I like you Yuzu” Javier repeated.

 

The Japanese skater didn't answer this time and the Spanish skater felt a slight pinch in his chest knowing that he made the biggest mistake in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. I know I've been neglecting this fanfic for a while...sorry for that. I'm just one lazy and uninspired writer so forgive me for the lousy update. It's not really long and a little poorly written.  
> I hope you wait for another update because I'll be more creative and inspired for sure. :)


	14. Letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru and Javier needed to let go of something and they choose to let go of each other.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

Yuzuru took a step backwards as focused his vision at the man standing in front of him.

“I like you” Javier repeated and Yuzuru still couldn't believe his ears. He stayed quite for a while, processing the words that came out from his training partners lips.

 

“Javi, stop fooling around” he said. He remembered something like this happened before. The same exact scene that happened between them and Nathan back at the Grand Prix Finals.

 

Javier doesn't look like he’s fooling around and it’s making Yuzuru nervous. The Spanish skater took a step forward and Yuzuru could feel his heart thumping inside his chest.

 

“I’m not fooling around. I’m dead serious” Javier said.

 

“But Miki..you and Miki----“

 

“I know Yuzu and it’s hard for me too. It’s been like this for a long time and I didn't know what to do”  Javier blurted out .

 

“Why you say it now?” Yuzuru asked.

 

“Because I feel like Nathan is slowly getting in between” Javier answered.

 

“Nathan is just a friend. We talk a lot but we are just friends” Yuzuru defended.

 

“At first I also thought so but this past few days, your smiling differently. Your happy when you talk to him. You light up when you receive a text from him. You look….you look in love” Javier explained, pain visible in his voice.

 

_In love? With who?_

_Nathan?_

Yuzuru looked at Javier and he could see the sadness in his eyes. Those very eyes he’d always look at when he’s unsure. When he’s restless and nervous, or when anything just feel wrong.

 

He’d always run to Javi for comfort. He’d always find him first and talk all his problems. He never want to see Javier sad like this.

 

“It’s not like that” Yuzuru answered.

 

Yes, it’s not like that. Yuzuru tries his best to convince himself.

 

He’s not in love. He doesn't like Nathan like what Javier said. The one that he likes is…

 

“Javi, I think your confuse” Yuzuru started.

 

Javier lifted his head and looked at the Japanese skater in front of him.

 

“Confused? Yuzu, do you think I was confused for almost 4 years? Am I that stupid to you?” Javier blurted out and Yuzuru raised his hands defensively.

 

“I don't say Javi is stupid. All I mean is that we are friends for long time and it’s normal we like each other. We care for each other. “ Yuzuru explained

 

“This is not just a friendly like Yuzuru” Javier retorted.

 

Yuzuru can’t really understand himself. He always wanted this moment to happen. This exact moment we’re Javier likes him back but why is he trying his best to dodge this confession?

 

Why is he trying his best to convince Javier to take back what he said.

 

“Javi, this is impossible. You love Miki not me” Yuzuru said.

 

“Why, why are desperately denying what I just said? “ Javier asked and Yuzuru just looked at him.

 

Honestly, he doesn't really know why. For five years, Yuzuru was sure. He was always sure that the feelings he have for Javi is real. He likes Javier and for five years he held that feelings deep inside him waiting for the right time to tell his training mate. But right now he’s not sure.

 

He’s not really sure of what he feels for Javier right now just he know now that it’s different. It’s not the same as the feelings he kept back then, for five long years.

 

“Because, it’s not right” Yuzuru answered. The Japanese skater approached the latter and look straight in his eyes.

 

“Javi, Miki is the one you love. You like her, not me. We are friends and that’s what we should be” Yuzuru explained as he held the Spaniard’s hands.

 

“I, I like you.” Yuzuru then said.

 

The Spanish skater just watched him as he continue to talk.

 

“I always like Javi, since the start. Your good to me. You always make me laugh when I’m sad and never leave my side but we, we cant Javi. We hurt people and ourselves in the end” Yuzuru added.

 

“Why are you sure we’re going to hurt ourselves?” Javier asked.

 

“Because you already have someone Javi. That’s the one you should love. When you love wrong person you, that person will cry too. It’s sad” Yuzuru explained.

 

“Your not the wrong person. Loving you will make me happy----“

 

“Javi, be friends. Let’s just stay friends.” Yuzuru interrupted.

 

“No one get hurts, no one will cry” Yuzuru added.

 

“Your cruel Yuzu. You just told me you like me then you dump me” Javier said and Yuzuru smiled.

 

“This is better, believe me” Yuzuru assured.

 

“Will, will you not regret this? What if I’m really the one? Will you not regret letting me go?” Javier asked.

 

“I will, but I’ll move on. You should too” Yuzuru answered and Javier laughed.

 

“Damn that Nathan. He ruined all my plan” Javier said.

 

“Don't curse at Nathan, that's bad” Yuzuru lectured and Javier laughed once again.

 

“You really do like him now. That's why you won’t accept me” Javier said once again.

 

Yuzuru didn't answer and Javier knows he’s right.

 

“Well, there goes my confession” Javier said as he walked away from Yuzuru. The Spanish skater looked at sky above them. The star are appearing one by one and decorating the black horizon. Yuzuru on the other hand just stared at the back of his training mate.

 

He remembered the first time met Javier. The shorter male was busy talking to Tracy with something about his turns and steps when Brian interrupted them to introduce Yuzuru. Javier turned around and their eyes met for the first time and there Yuzuru knew something inside him fluttered.

 

The feelings, emotions and everything in between. It started to grow bigger and he remembered almost exploding. But he didn't really know when it started retreating. When did all those feelings and emotions fell back on the depths inside him. When did he feel less towards Javi?

 

He didn't notice it at all and now Yuzuru knew that he doesn't want to break his friendship with the Spaniard for any other kind of relationship. Even he knows back then he dreamed about this moment, he wished for it. He wanted Javi to like him back but now that it finally happened he realized he can’t do it. Yuzuru is not selfish and he never will be and he thinks about others more than himself and maybe that is what’s stopping him. He will hurt other people and his happiness shouldn't be an excuse to bring sadness to others. Miki loves Javier, he saw it in her eyes for many times and he know, he know from the very start that Javier and Miki are for each other.

 

“Javi” Yuzuru called and the soft tone of the Japanese skater never fails to melt something inside Javier. The latter didn't dare to turn around and look at the Japanese. He was too afraid to face reality. To know that he was too late, a little too late.

 

“mmm?” he hummed wanting to let Yuzuru know that he is listening,

 

“You’ll always be special” Yuzuru started and Javier smiled.

 

“You’re the only one I’m comfortable with and put my arms around you during photo op’s” Yuzuru added and Javier smiled even wider. He knows Yuzuru have this little problem during awarding ceremonies because he’s not very fond of placing his hands on others body but when Javier and Yuzuru podium together for he first time he was shock to feel the Japanese hands settling itself behind him.

 

“I let you carry my skates and no one is allowed to do that except my staff, I trust you more than anyone else. I still think your quad sal is the best and it will never change” The Japanese skater continued and Javier tried his best to stop himself from laughing because Yuzuru sounds really cute right now.

 

“You’ll always be special. You’re my best friend after all” _Best friend_ , that word  hurt and make Javier happy at the same time.

 

The Japanese skater held Javiers’ hand and squeeze it lightly.

 

“You’ll always be the best, Javi” Yuzuru proclaimed and it’s more than enough to make Javier’s eyes swell.

 

The Spanish skater faced Yuzuru and the other was very shock seeing the tears falling from Javier’s eyes.

 

“Why cry Javi? Did I say something bad?”Yuzuru asked worriedly and Javier just shook his head and wipe the small traces of tears on his cheeks.

 

“Honestly I didn't expect it to be like this. I thought it would be really awkward and cold but right now everything feels so right. I can say I did great” Javier stated and Yuzuru gave him a confused look.

 

“You see Yuzu, you’ve always been the best for me too. Sadly this whole confession thing didn't really went well but I still consider myself lucky because I still have my best friend in the end.” Javier added and Yuzuru smiled at him.

 

Javier really don't know what urged him to confess. Maybe it was the insecurity that slowly crept  in when Nathan entered the picture but little by little he now understand  that what he and Yuzuru  have is more than enough.

 

After a while, Yuzuru’s mom arrived and fetch him with a car.

 

They bid goodbyes and Yuzuru drove off.

 

Javier watched the back of the car going away, further from him. On the other hand Yuzuru looking out through the cars window.

 

In the end of all it was still sad and cold. They parted smiling but they know deep inside them something broke. A little glass shred fell off their hearts and it’s something you can’t replace easily. Yuzuru let go of his first love while Javier had to choose the present. But they also know it was for the better. It was the best thing they can do to prevent  bigger breaking and drastic changes. You can call them cowards or whatever but sometimes in love, there are people that you need to lose even you haven’t have them at all. Maybe it was because they are a little too late but whatever it may be they now know that they were supposed to be but not meant to be for each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello from me!!!  
> It's been like forever and sorry for that. School started and I've been very very very busy.  
> I know this chapter is a little short and dull but I hope you'll like it even just a little.  
> I finished this one after recovering from a fever and my thoughts were a little clouded and mushed up. *blame Pharmacy school for that >.<* i'll try to update more but i think this fanfic will end after 2-3 chaps so yeah :)  
> Thank you so much for always reading my work even it is lousy written with all the errors and typos.   
> So here is chap 14. Enjoy :) <3


	15. Time to give up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier broke up with Miki and Nathan just want to give up.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“Okay, I don't know what happened between the two of you but please make up before the season ends”, Tracy who is substituting for Brian in the World Team Trophy mused as she entered Yuzuru’s hotel room that morning.

The Japanese skater gave the blonde lady a confused look and Tracy just raised her eyebrows.

“Brian told me that you're avoiding Javi”, Tracy said as she sat down in front of Yuzuru.

“I’m not avoiding Javi”, Yuzuru retorted.

“Then Javi is avoiding you. Either way, just make up already”, Tracy insisted and hushed Yuzuru when he attempted to answer back.

“You’ve been friends for a long time and it’s a first that Brian told me that you don't really talk at all. Whatever happened, just forget about it and make up.” Tracy said once again and Yuzuru just nodded.

After that night, when Javier confessed to Yuzuru and got rejected the atmosphere between the two of them became rather awkward. Yuzuru didn't really expected that to happen but on the next day, when they we’re about to start practicing before Yuzuru head out for the World Team, the Japanese is not really sure of how to act in front of the Spaniard. Javier on the other hand is very cautious of his actions that he didn't even went over a meter close to Yuzuru. He made sure to keep his distance, so far that Brian didn't failed to notice how two of his students is acting strange in front of him.

The Canadian coach asked Javier that day but the Spaniard just shrugged it off and told him that everything is okay which Brian didn't buy. He knows it’s not okay especially when Javi is not lurking around Yuzuru and staying a mile away from the Japanese.

On the other hand, Yuzuru is busy checking his phone because it’s flooded with emails and calls from Nathan. The young American skater had been persistent in meeting up with Yuzuru but Yuzuru is too tired for that.

Yuzuru threw his phone on the bed and laid beside it. He’s been contemplating for a while now weather to text Javier or not.

Even how much Yuzuru deny it he knows that Tracy is right. The both of them are acting very strange towards each other after that night and even how much Yuzuru wants to try and act like nothing happened it’s very hard to do so. It feels like there is that line between them that when crossed , everything will just be over and that's why he is very afraid.

They talked for a minute or two during practice but it's not just the same and that makes Yuzuru sad.

The Japanese skater let out a sigh as he rolled on his stomach and buried his face on the mattress. He’s so stressed out and tired, physically and mentally. After the world Championships he was feeling high and happy but things didn't really stayed like that for a long time. Right now he is feeling a slight creep behind him. That any moment from now he’ll be losing a friend, a very dear friend and he’s not very happy about that.   
His mind is full of many things.

Tomorrow will be the sp and he’ll be seeing Nathan again which means it’s going to be a handful. He needs to do something about Javier or else they will stay this far from each other forever.

It was 7:00pm when Yuzuru decided to go out for a bit to breath some fresh air. The hotel is not very packed by the moment and the media already decided to wrap it up for the day since there is nothing much to film anyway.

Yuzuru went downstairs and headed straight to the lounge. He’s lucky no one was there and the ground floor is almost empty. He grabbed a drink from the vending machine and sat down on one of the fluffy sofa’s. He took and deep breathe and exhaled. He wanted to clear his head and being alone is a good thing but not for so long.

“Hey, World Champion”, a very familiar voice chirp in and Yuzuru felt the sofa rock a little as someone sat beside him. He opened his eyes and looked to his side ad saw a grinning Patrick Chan beside him.

“You don't look enthusiastic at all. Aren’t you excited for tomorrow?”, Patrick asked and Yuzuru just sighed.

“Well, you looked very troubled. Is it because of Nathan or Javi?”, Yuzuru shot a glare at Patrick and the Canadian just chuckled.

“How do you know? Did Javi tell you?”, Yuzuru asked and Patrick shook his head.

“No. Javi doesn't really talk about his love problems. Just obvious though. I always knew that you have some special feelings towards Javi”, Patrick explained

Yuzuru sighed again.

“Was I really obvious? Even Nathan noticed, then you”, Yuzuru mumbled and ruffled his hair.

“Don't worry. You weren’t that ‘obvious’ obvious. Maybe just a little. I just pay too much attention to something that's why”, Patrick explained and Yuzuru tilted his head.

“I don't get you Patrick”, Yuzuru said and Patrick laughed.

“You don't have too, So, what’s the problem this time?”, Patrick asked.

Yuzuru looked at the Canadian for a moment and hesitated but right now he really needs someone to talk to and right now, Patrick is the best choice.

“Javi said something and things became awkward”, Yuzuru said.

“So he confessed? That’s interesting”, Patrick mused as he nodded his head.

Yuzuru is quite amazed though. Patrick is really good at this things.

“So you rejected him?”, Patrick asked,

“Of course! Javi is with Miki!”, Yuzuru exclaimed and Patrick muffled his laugh.

“Okay okay, calm down. You don't need to shout Mr. That’s good though. I always knew you we’re a good person but I never knew you we’re this good of a person. That’s your own happiness you rejected”, Patrick said.

“But it’s not just my own happiness that matter. I don't want to ruin something just for my sake”, Yuzuru retorted back.

Yuzuru clutched at the drink he was holding and closed his eyes again. He can see Javier’s smiling face as he closed his lid.

“I just don't want anything to change. I’m much comfortable with Javi as what we are and I don't want to change that.”, Yuzuru mumbled and Patrick just silently sat beside the distressed Japanese.

“You know what Yuzu, you did the right choice. Just wait for a while and things will fall down back to where they were before. I think right now, you need to focus more on the short program tomorrow or else the World Champion might not get his World Team Trophy.”, Patrick teased as he stood up.

Yuzuru shot him a glare and the Canadian just laugh.

“I’ll get going now. Give yourself a rest will ya”, Patrick said as he turned around and took a step away from Yuzuru.

“Thank you, Patrick!”, Yuzuru exclaimed and Patrick just waved his hand.

Yuzuru then stared at the white ceiling above him.

“I need to do something”, He mumbled and at that moment his phone went off. He fished it out from his pocket and saw the caller ID. He sighed as he stood up and answer it.

“Hey!”, a very enthusiastic American teenager beamed from the other line.

Yuzuru answered with a very low ‘Hello’ and Nathan furrowed his brows.

“Not so happy coming from a World Champion”, Nathan said and Yuzuru sighed again.

“I’m just a little tired”, Yuzuru said and Nathan just nodded.

“I’m sorry for calling again and again. I was just too excited I forgot that you needed to rest and stuff”, Nathan said feeling a little guilty and stupid for calling and bugging Yuzuru almost every day.

“No need to say sorry. I’m fine. I can still talk with you now”, Yuzuru said and Nathan beamed again.

Yuzuru just chuckled as he hears Nathan go frantic from the other line. The teenager was eager at telling stories and how he’s coach made him jump the triple axel over and over again for the last week. Yuzuru found it very adorable.

“Well maybe because you need to step up your triple axel now”, Yuzuru commented and Nathan pouted.

“It’s easy to say because you jump the triple axel like it's a single. Ho on earth can someone even do that. That’s really unfair. Life is unfair”, Nathan continued his ranting and Yuzuru laughed more.

“It’s not unfair. I just practice hard”, Yuzuru retorted and Nathan whined saying how much he practices but still end up on his but most of the time.

“I hope I can jump the axel like you do. It’s so beautiful. No one can compete with it”, Nathan said.

“It’s not that special. Javi can jump exactly the same, not to mention his salchow is much better than mine and he has the better charisma when he skates”, Nathan went silent for a second and Yuzuru called him up.

“Hello? Still there?”, Yuzuru said and he heard a little glitch from the other line then came Nathan.

“Yeah yeah, just Jason asking for something. Uh huh, I totally agree with you. Javier is really an awesome skater”, Nathan said and Yuzuru also agreed from the other line.

“Yeah, I really like Javi’s skating”, Yuzuru added and Nathan needed to stop himself from throwing the phone somewhere and just replied with ‘I know right’.

Nathan needed to change the topic or else he knows he’ll say things he will regret.

“Where’s your room anyway?”, Nathan asked and it took Yuzuru a while of recalling before he answered.

“Somewhere on the fourth floor, 402 I guess?”, Yuzuru answered a little unsure.

“Ohhh. I’ll come by some other time, yeah?”, Nathan asked and Yuzuru said okay on it.

They went on talking on the phone until Yuzuru arrived at his hotel room and stopped just 5 steps away from the door.

“Javi?” Yuzuru mumbled and Nathan clearly heard from the other line.

Yuzuru put the phone down looked at Javier once again.

“Hi”, the Spaniard said as he waved his hands a little and Yuzuru just looked at him dumbfounded.

“Why are you here?”, Yuzuru asked.

“You didn't know? I’m performing at the gala”, Javier answered and Yuzuru just muttered an ‘ohhhh’

On the other hand, Nathan decided to drop the call after a minute of getting no answer from Yuzuru. He knows he heard Javier’s name and Javi’s voice from the other line and one thing is for sure, Javi and Yuzuru are talking at the moment.  
  
He paced back in forth in the middle of his room and he doesn't even know why. Why does he feel uneasy all of the sudden?

He knows Yuzuru won't really give in and confess to Javier because the Japanese cares about Miki and values their friendship more than anything but why is Nathan feeling that somehow Yuzu will….

He grabbed his coat from the sofa and dashed out from his room. He entered the elevator and pressed ‘4’. Inside the closed moving belt, he could feel his heart pound inside his chest. He’s going to see Yuzuru again and that really makes him feel excited. Just take off Javi from the picture though.

The elevator made a very audible ‘ting’ and the doo opened. Nathan exited the silver doors and started searching for Yuzuru’s room.

“402, 402…..4..0..2”, Nathan stopped mid way as he saw two figures in front of him.

Yuzuru and Javier are talking in front of Yuzuru’s room and they look serious, so serious to be exact. Nathan hid behind the wall just 10 feet away from the two.

“What do you mean you break up?”, Nathan heard Yuzuru say and Javier sighed.

“It just happened Yuzu. I promise I tried my best, really. But it doesn't feel right anymore. It would be very unfair if I keep dating Miki at this state”, Javier replied and Nathan heard Yuzuru gasp.

“Javi, this is not right. You're just confused. I swear you will regret someday. Think Javi, you're just confused”, Yuzuru retorted and Javier palmed his face. He looks very frustrated.

“Listen Yuzu, I’m not saying that you should go out with me after I broke up with Miki. I just wanted to set her free because I know there will be someone better for her”, Javier explained and Nathan can see Yuzuru’s back rise and fall heavily.

“It's all my fault. I should not have tell you I like you. I---oh my god. I ruined your relationship Javi, I did---“, Yuzuru wasn't able to finish his sentence when Javier grabbed him by both shoulders and made him looked at his eyes.

“Can you listen to me for even just a second Yuzuru!”, Javier exclaimed and Yuzuru looked straight at him.

“Why are you trying so hard to tell me that I’m just confused? I know my own feelings Yuzu and I know I’m not confused. This is not just an impulse or a spur of the moment kind of thing. This is deeper than that. And it's not your fault. None of this is your fault Yuzuru because nothing is wrong. Okay? This is not wrong”, Javier said in a very calm and soothing voice. Yuzuru started sobbing and his shoulders shaking.

Javier caressed the Japanese’ back and tried to calm Yuzuru down. He knows Yuzuru will blame himself for the breakup but Miki didn't even bulge a bit when Javier opened the topic.  
“But..but you love Mi..Miki, why? Why did you---“, Yuzuru’s voice is hoarse. He cant even finish his sentence because he was muffling his sobs.

“I did love her Yuzu. I did. But there are things that are temporary because you are meant to learn from them and I learned something when I was still in love with Miki.”, Javier lifted Yuzuru’s face and made him look at him again.

“I learned that it’s you that I love”, Javier said and Yuzuru’s chest started to pound even more.

It feels surreal and he doesn't know what to do. There is an internal conflict that is going on inside his mind.

If Javier confessed to him earlier than this maybe he will feel less burned or lost. Right now, he’s not really sure if this is what he wants or If he is what he wants.

Because in the back of his mind there is a person that lingers and it’s not Javier.

Yuzuru is not quite sure if it’s just because he talked to Nathan more often or because he grew fond of the younger boy but knows that he is the reason why his not entirely happy of Javier’s second confession.

Yuzuru took a step back and wiped his tears. They both keep silent for a while and Nathan, on the other hand, is trying his best not to jump in the conversation because he knows Yuzuru will be mad, very mad and he don't want them to fight. So he clenched his fist firmly trying hard to lessen the urge to just go there and snatch Yuzuru away.

But no. He knows he needs to chill even though he really can’t.

“I’m, I’m going to rest Javi. I feel very tired right now”, Yuzuru announced after a while.

“Oh. Okay. SP is tomorrow so you need to rest. Sorry for keeping you out”. Javier said and Yuzuru just shook his head.

The two of them parted a little awkwardly but Javier didn't regret telling Yuzuru he loves him.

When Yuzuru is already inside his room Nathan walked out from where he is hiding and called Javier out.

“Javier”, Nathan called out and Javier turned around and saw Nathan.

“How long are you standing there?”, Javier asked and Nathan walked closer.

“Long enough to hear everything. Why did you tell him you broke up with Miki? And why did you even broke up with her at the first place?”, Nathan asked.

“It’s none of your business. And why’d you eavesdrop at the first place?”, Javier asked back.

“Answer me first! You know he already feels bad knowing that he likes you and that your Miki’s boyfriend, and that he can’t be with you because of that. You should have at least think first before you come to him and tell him about the breakup. Now he will think it’s his fault!”, Nathan exclaimed, gasping for air after.

“Think? You think I didn't think about this? I was on the verge of losing my mind just thinking about what to do Nathan. I tried my best to just forget about Yuzuru and the feelings he confessed to me but I can’t. I can’t continue on fooling myself and Miki. You should know that yourself. You confessed to him on a flick and bothered him up until now. You should have at least think about what he would feel and don't act like a spoiled teenager tailing behind him”, Javier retorted.

“I’m not acting like a spoiled brat! I’m making sure he isn’t feeling uncomfortable. I don't go around tossing myself to him. I did my best Javier. I did my best so that at least he will look at me the way he looks at you.”, Nathan mumbled and Javier could see the younger’s eyes go from angry to soft.

“Yes, I always tell Yuzu I like him whenever I get a chance but honestly, I know deep down It’s not reaching him. Even how much I try, even how many times I tell him I like him it’s always you. It’s always been you.”, Nathan added

“It’s easy for you to say that I bother him because you don't really need to put effort to impress Yuzu. He likes you enough that you don't even need to do anything, at all.”, Nathan has his head hanging low and Javier can’t help but feel bad.

Javier sighed.

“I told him that I broke up with Miki now so that I can make sure he doesn't hear it from others. I know I was a coward, for a very long time. From the very beginning, I knew. I really knew there is something but I was too afraid. I was too afraid to even try and accept it and that’s something I regret the most. I met Miki and I thought ‘Ah, yes this is the right thing’ so we dated and I thought everything will just fade away. But the feelings I feel just keep on growing but I tried my best to ignore it and then you came in the picture. I got more afraid. I was afraid that Yuzu will be taken away that's why I decided to follow my feelings”, Javier explained and Nathan somehow understands what Javier is feeling.

Yuzuru is a person you will die for, really. He is a good person. A good son and a very reliable friend. Not to mention he is a magnificent skater.

“Yuzuru likes you so much. Now that you and Miki is not dating anymore, it would be much easier to get him. He might feel uneasy at first and reject you countless of times but, I know you’ll never get tired of him.”, Nathan said and wipe the tear that fell down from his eyes.

“He’s, he is a person that is worth it of all hard work. At least he deserves someone who works hard and I think you are----“, Nathan didn't finish when Javier cut him off.

“Wait, wait. You sound like your already giving up when Yuzu didn't even give me an answer yet”, Javier retorted.

Nathan laughed.

“When you are still taken it seems hard to make him like me, now your single do you think that I’ll have a chance?”, Nathan asked.  
Javier felt bad. Nathan is young but he is sincere. He felt like he broke another person's heart and it’s  painful to look at.

“I better get going now. I have short program tomorrow so, yeah”, Nathan said and bid Javier goodbye.

When Nathan is walking away from him Javier called him out.

“Nathan! Don't you think it's still early to give up? Don't you think Yuzuru deserve something more than this?”, Javier asked and Nathan stopped from walking.

Nathan looked down and think more a moment.

“He, he deserves something more. Something better than my lousy and unorganized feelings.”, Nathan mumbled.

I want to tell myself that I should work harder. I want to tell myself that I still have a chance but looking at Javier I felt defeated.

“You have a better salchow that me. It’ll be very hard to win now”, Nathan jokingly said and walked away.

I want to keep liking Yuzuru for a long time but I think what’s not meant to be will never be, even how hard I try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I'm back from the dead. /hahahahahahah  
> I'm sorry for not updating for a very very very very looooooong time. School sucks. I'm very stressed out and unmotivated. I feel like just sleeping and not doing anything. So here is the update.  
> I feel like it's a little disappointing but I hope you'll like it somehow. Please comment what you think because I feel like the story deviated from what it's supposed to be.  
> See you in the next update. Pls pray for my grades this semester too >_<  
> ps: I read from twitter that Javi and Miki broke up. Is is true? Confirm please.


	16. Heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru is a little agitated because Nathan is avoiding him.

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

If there is one word that would describe Yuzuru’s feelings at the moment it is the word ‘confused’. All his life he is accurate and precise. He always set clear goals like ‘I’ll win the gold in the Olympics’ or ‘I’ll definitely break the World Record this time’ but right now he is not very sure of what to feel.

Last night, Javier came unannounced on his doorway and told him that he broke up with Miki. Just by thinking about Miki being sad or hurt makes Yuzuru’s mind blank not to mention he is the reason behind it.

Did Javier tell Miki about his feelings for him?

Yuzuru’s mind is not that pleasant at the moment and what’s making it worse is that he is about to skate his short program at the World Team Trophy a few minutes from now.

He’s tapping his skates noticeable fast at the floor that Brian didn't fail to notice it. The Canadian coach is seeing through the Japanese’ facade and is very much worried since morning.

“Something bothering you?”, Brian finally asked, sitting beside Yuzuru.

“Huh? Nothing. Just, just nervous”, Yuzuru answered in a very uneasy voice.

“You’re never ‘that’ nervous to the extent that you’ll break the floor with your skates”, Brian teased and Yuzuru looked down and noticed the slight white mark his skates left on the ground even it’s still covered. Yuzuru stopped moving his legs and rubbed his palms on his thighs. They feel so stiff that he thinks that skating today will be very hard.

“Come on Yuzu. It must be more than being nervous. Just tell me about it.”, Brian insisted and Yuzuru sighed.

“Do you feel confused sometimes?”, Yuzuru asked. Brian tilted his head to the side and encourage Yuzuru to talk more.

“Like—like your stuck in the middle of something. Like, like you need to choose but it's hard and you don't know anymore”. Yuzuru continued and Brian listened.

“Like…like your----“.

“Your torn in between?”, Brian finished Yuzuru’s sentence for him, seeing how the Japanese wanted to find the right words for what he is about to say.

Yuzuru looked at his coach and nodded his head eagerly. Happy that Brian found the exact word for what he is feeling.

“I don't know. I just, I want to do something but If I do it I hurt someone. But if I don't do it, I hurt myself. Then there is another thing I want to do but I’m not sure if it’s right or…I just don't know anymore. It’s so confusing”, Yuzuru said, ruffling his hair due to frustration. On the other Brian, simple giggled.

“There will always be a time that we need to pick one thing from another but it will never be easy. We’ll get to the point where we are torn between what should really be and what you wanted it to be. It’s like your principles turning it’s back on you. “, Brian started and Yuzuru listened intently.

“From the looks of it, it has to do with love, right?”, Brain asked and Yuzuru’s eyes grew wide. Brian giggled some more and Yuzuru just lowered his head.

“Well, it’s the time when everything seems complicated.”, The Canadian said and Yuzuru just keeps silent.

“In times like this, I can’t really say what you should do because, in the end, it’s still up to you. Just keep in mind though, when you're torn in between what will make you happy or what will make other people happy always remember that in love it’s never about ‘what’ it’s always about ‘who’ in the end”. Brian said and Yuzuru just looked at him without saying a word.

Both of them keep quiet for a moment. Brian doesn't want to pressure Yuzuru to say anything, he just wants his student to let everything that he said sink in so that maybe, he’ll understand somehow.

“Is, is it okay to be selfish?”, Yuzuru finally spoke and Brian smiled.

“It’s not selfishness Yuzuru. Your not selfish when you're happy”, Brian said and Yuzuru looked at him with relief reflecting from hi eyes.

Maybe, Yuzuru just wants some assurance from someone that what he is doing is not wrong. That what he is feeling is not selfishness and that he is not any different from others.

Being Yuzuru Hanyu is never easy. Your life is not average. Everyone is watching you, everyone wants something from you and everyone wants you to be perfect and it’s very tiring sometimes. You can’t be like those normal adolescents falling in and out of love. And when you do fall in love, it’s never going to be simple.

Brian patted Yuzuru’s shoulder seeing how stiff his student looks. He knows he’ll have a had time in the short program and thanks god that Worlds is already over.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay”, Brian assured Yuzuru and half of Yuzuru believed it. There is always something about Brian that feels reassuring. Like how he’ll just smile after an argument or shrugged his shoulder whenever Yuzuru falls from a jump. It always feels like there will always be next time or that something good will happen after and Yuzuru is very much thankful for that.

Yuzuru stood up afterward and followed Brian to the rink where everyone is very eager to see how the freshly crowned World Champion will skate and it’s making every nerve inside Yuzuru twitch and his head feeling funny.

Well, even World Champions get nervous too.

Yuzuru wanted to convince himself that everything indeed will be okay.

Warming up, doing some jumps and spin like he usually does but he knows deep inside something is off. 

He’ll casually look at where Nathans was but the teenager is rather very calm looking back at him which puzzled Yuzuru a little. The Japanese expected some crazy waving time to time but Nathan is just sitting there and not doing anything.

“What’s wrong with him?”, Yuzuru mumbled to himself as he skated back to where Tracy was. (Brian is off for vacation so Tracy is with him)

Nathan didn't show up to his room last night or the other nights they were in the venue. He thought Nathan wanted to see him badly but the other didn't even contact him the night before.

Is he avoiding him or something?

Yuzuru chucked enough juice from his water from his bottle. Just enough to take his thirst away from all the skating he’s doing.

“You okay Yuzu?”, The older woman asked and Yuzuru nodded, wiping his face and looking back to where Nathan was. He is feeling a little agitated. He really can’t focus on what he is supposed to do. He has been chanting again and again inside his head.

‘I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can----- can’t’

In the end of the short program he crumbled and messed everything up and he is not happy about it. He knows that the whole team is expecting him to perform well especially he is the current World Champion. He doesn't know what to do and went directly backstage after the Kiss&Cry.

Everyone is following him and it’s getting annoying. He needs space. He needs to go somewhere, just somewhere away from all of this.

Yuzuru managed to find a spot where no one is lurking around and following him. He sat down on an empty chair just behind the curtains, hiding.

He took a long, deep breath and it felt nice. It’s quite and he likes it. It’s been a while since he got an alone time for himself and right now everything inside him is calming down.

Everything is sinking in. He just messed up his short program in front of the Japanese media and crowd. Just imagining how he looks earlier makes him want to puke.

He squeezed his thigh for a moment wanting to relieve the tension that he’s been feeling. He’s tired.

After all the training and competition, he is almost at his limit and he knows it’s affecting him not just physically but mentally as well.

He closed his eyes a bit and started humming some random melody that is currently stuck in his head. He can’t remember the title but he Is sure it’s by ONE OK ROCK or something.

It’s slow, almost sad but it’s nice to the ears and at a certain point, while he is humming, Nathan’s face flashed in his head. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at the blank space in front of him.

“You said you wanted to see me”. He mumbled and sighed after.

After a while, his phone rang. He fished it out from his pocket and saw Javi’s name on the screen. He wanted to ignore it but it will look bad if he did so he answered it.

“Hey, where are you. Everyone is looking for you”, Javier asks worriedly from the other line.

“I’m just resting a bit”, Yuzuru answered

“Where? You should have at least told Kikuchi or someone and not just disappears”, Javier said and Yuzuru sighed

“I’m not five or something, I’ll be back there. By---”, Just when Yuzuru is about to end the call Javier cut him out.

“Are you okay?”, Javier asked, this time in a very soft and concerned voice.

Yuzuru didn't answer and Javier waited for Yuzuru to speak.

“I’m sorry I bothered you last night. I just want to tell you as soon as possible. I didn't think that it would affect you----“

“It's not you”, Yuzuru interrupted and Javier’s heart stopped for a moment.

_‘It's not you’_

Javier knows very well that it’s not him. He’s not the one making Yuzuru crumble. He is not the one affecting Yuzuru this big. He is not the one Yuzuru is thinking about.

Javier knows very well that it’s not him anymore.

But he wanted to try. Maybe he still affects Yuzuru as much as he did before. Maybe he can still make Yuzuru blush just like before. Or stutter whenever he is a little too close, or make him smile because of his lame jokes.

Javier just realized how he affected Yuzuru before and maybe it’s really a little too late.

“It’s because of him? Right?”, Javier asked and Yuzuru just keeps silent.

The Spaniard chuckled but Yuzuru can hear the sadness in it.

“Screw how slow I am in realizing things. Why didn't I paid more attention to every little thing you did before? Why did I blindly let you go?”, Javier continued and Yuzuru just listened. He knows he needed to hear him out.

“I should have, I should have looked at you more often. Maybe I might have caught you looking at me, then maybe I noticed something. Or I should have held your hands much longer whenever you go out the balance on the ice, then maybe I should have felt your palms tremble or sweat a little. There are many things I just realized and I feel so stupid right now”, Javier said and Yuzuru could hear him sob a little.

Yuzuru smiled.

Hearing all that ‘could have’ from Javier felt nostalgic.

He remembered whenever he stole a glace or two during practice hoping the Spaniard to look back or when he tries his best not to sweat whenever they held hands. It felt so distant now though. It was all in the past and all Yuzuru can do is remember.

“You, you were the best partner I ever had Javi and still is. We should be contented right now”, Yuzuru said and Javier sobs more.

He can’t believe this guy once loved him but he didn't really have the courage to acknowledge it before and right now he is losing him.

_Or should I say he already did?_

Javier knows it's Yuzuru’s way to say ‘I already love someone else so let it go already’ in the nicest way possible.

“Okay enough with this. Just come back here because Kikuchi-san and your mother is losing their minds already”, Javier said and Yuzuru chuckled.

“Thank you Javi, for everything”, Yuzuru said and Javier knows it’s over.

Later that day after all the skating is done, Yuzuru headed straight to his room and stayed in until 10 pm where he felt so bored and decided to go out for a bit.

He was busy finding his cell phone which he is sure he put inside his jacket when he bumped into someone. He’s phone dropped on the floor and he hurriedly picked it up not even looking to whoever it was.

“Sorry, I didn't saw you coming”, The person in front of him said and he knew who it was.

He picked up his phone and stood up, facing the person.

“It’s okay”, Yuzuru said and Nathan smiled awkwardly in front of him.

They just stayed like that for a while, waiting for the other to say something but when the silence is almost suffocating Nathan decided to excuse himself saying they need to prepare for the free program tomorrow.

But when Nathan is about to walk away, Yuzuru grabbed his arms and stopped him. Nathan was shocked but stopped anyways and looked back at Yuzuru who had his head down, looking at the ground.

Nathan waited for the Japanese to say something but almost a minute passed, Yuzuru was still silent.

“I think you really need to rest Yuzu. I think you're tired”, Nathan said as he tried to make Yuzuru let go of his hands.

But the Japanese was rather stubborn that day and didn't bother to loosen his hold.

“Why, why are you avoiding me?”, Yuzuru finally said and Nathan didn't really know what to answer.

“I’m not avoiding you----“

“Liar. You are. You didn't talk to me yesterday or after I skated, or after the short program, or after dinner. You didn't show up at all”, Yuzuru mumbled and Nathan finds it amusing, a little.

“I didn't want to bother you or something Yuzu. I know you want to concentrate in this right?”, Nathan reasoned out.

“But at least you should talk to me even once”, Yuzuru mumbled low

“What’s wrong with you? I thought you don't like it when I’m pestering you and following you around?”, Nathan didn't want it to sound rude what he think it did sound a little rude after all.

Yuzuru let go of his arms this time but he kept his head low.

“I thought you like me”, Yuzuru said, almost inaudible that Nathan needed to hear it again.

“I thought you like me. I thought you like talking to me. I thought, I thought you wanted to see me.”, Yuzuru said in a very fast pace that Nathan had a little hard time catching up with every word.

“Yuzu, calm down a bit------“

“How do I calm down when I’m a mess because of you but you’re not doing anything at all!”, Yuzuru exclaimed and Nathan was terrified rather than shock. Tears are forming in the edge of Yuzuru’s eyes as he looked straight at Nathan’s.

His fist is clenched tight and his breathing is heavy.

“Mess?”, Nathan asked.

“I want to see you, I want to talk to you. I want you to comfort me when I messed up my short earlier. I want you to say that it will be okay. It's the first time that I didn't think about having Javi beside me right now but, but it seems you don't want to be with at all”, Yuzuru said, whispering the last words as if he doesn't want it to come from his own mouth.

Nathan just looked at the figure in front of him, trembling. He never saw Yuzuru like this before.

Nathan is regretting he decision of ignoring Yuzuru.

He’s regretting the fact that he tried to forget about this person. He knew it will be hard for him but he didn't know it will make Yuzuru like this.

Nathan tried to reach out to Yuzuru but before he even touched the other's shoulder, Yuzuru fled away into the corridor.

Yuzuru was sobbing hard but he is making a good job muffling it.

He doesn't know why he is acting like this and why he said all those things earlier but right now he knows he s hurting.

He stopped for a moment when that certain melody ringed in his head again.

_It was slow and almost sad._

Then he remembered.

 _So they say that time_  
Takes away the pain  
But I’m still the same  
And they say that I  
Will find another you  
That can’t be true

 _Why didn’t I realize_  
Why did I tell lies  
Yeah I wish that I could do it again  
Turnin’ back the time back when you were mine (all mine)

 _So this is heartache?_  
So this is heartache?  
All this pain in the chest, my regrets, and things we never said oh baby  
So this is heartache?  
So this is heartache?  
What I meant, what we said that night. Why did I let you go?  
I miss you

When all the lyrics flash inside his mind, he chuckled a little. At that moment he remembered Javi and all the thing they talked about that day then he remembered Nathan and all the things he said to him just now.

It could be Javier, Nathan or him but he is sure this song is what he is feeling right now.

“Heartache?”, he quietly mumbled and tried to laugh off what he is thinking but it’s still painful.

Too painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear!  
> First of all, I'm sorry for this late update. I've been busy at school because I have grades to maintain and LUCKILY I survived this semester!!!!!!!! Thank you for wishing me luck guys.  
> Second, you may notice that Brian was with Yuzu on the first part( I actually forgot that he was with Tracy during WTT) so I just go with it and made him go for a vacation in the later part XD  
> So here it is. It's not edited so there might be typo's or grammatical errors(sorry for that)  
> I've been giving you angst chapters for a while but maybe it will be a happy one on the next?? And also it might be a very big character change because Yuzu is acting a little clingy towards Nathan but sorry, I like it that way :D  
> Enjoy guys! Your comments are very much appreciated :)

**Author's Note:**

> *This fan fiction is not yet edited. I'm doing my best and is teaming up with good people(my betas) who is helping me in editing my work. Also some mistakes in the results or ranking of skaters will be changed after this whole fan fiction is completed. Thank you :D*
> 
> I know this story is out of nowhere. I know it's weird that I paired those two but I just cant help imagining it I need to get it out of my head and write it down. Some of you might get annoyed because there's a lot of tension with their fans especially after 4CC. I actually wrote this fic around NHK and GFP last year so yeah. I hope you find even a little bit of entertainment reading this one. I actually didn't have anyone proof read my work. There might be some typo's or grammatical errors but forgive because English is not my native language. I'm rather very new here so pls bare with me.


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